Recently scientists have proven Einstein’s theory of gravitational waves. So, like divos who surf the waves in the world’s beaches, UFOs ride intergalactic waves across the expanse. Wow!
Recently scientists have proven Einstein’s theory of gravitational waves. So, like divos who surf the waves in the world’s beaches, UFOs ride intergalactic waves across the expanse. Wow!
As the Merday observed the earth below, the news spread that we could go home. The Nextousians promised to send our messages home, and to take all who wanted to go back. There was great joy and much angst as so many now had families here. Some wanted to take their families with them, and others wanted to stay. There were several hundred souls here, and the ones who were here the longest elected to stay. Morkious didn’t give us a time frame because he wanted to be sure the Merday weren’t going to start a war over the earth. He was sticking around to make sure of that. In the meantime everybody made plans. Gloria was perplexed, she wanted to see my world, but wasn’t so sure about leaving earth permanently. I was prepared to go along with what ever she decided. There was no guarantee of ever coming back, Doob was in the same boat, and so was Yanis. He and Evelyn had become close and she knew no other world, only what her father had told her about Guanos. The earth was her home now, and Yanis was going to stay by her side. What a development for a long time we wanted nothing more than the chance to return home. Now at long last it was here and we decided to stay. We composed a message to our people back on Aranjaynion, to let them know we were all doing well. Since we now had an IGT they could answer us directly on the moon. Hell they could visit if they wanted, they now knew where we were, and it was an open invitation.
On the third day two more ships arrived from Nextousia, and as Morkious asked they stayed on the dark side next to his ship. They were prepared to deal with the Merday who had no idea what was waiting for them. A day later several smaller Merday ships arrived and joined the first. As they began to organized, it became clear to Morkious, who looked into their conversations that they intended to invade. Truly they had no idea what lay in store for them.
Morkious and his lieutenants had a strategy meeting and included Bullocks, and the rest of us, Doob, Dolian, Con Yo and Koinus. The Nextousians had several plans to deal with the Merday. They could lock them into a magnetic tow and fling them into the expanse. Their superior weapons could blow them out of the cosmos. But that was a last resort as it would create an explosion that on earth would look like a super nova. It would surely expose our presence. They could also immobilize their ships by neutralizing their electrical systems. They would be left helpless, floating in space, and unable to move. They could also combine some of them, like neutralizing their energy and then towing them out to the expanse. That seemed to be the wisest, but they wanted to contact the Merday, and give them the opportunity to leave of their own free will. But first they prepared to present them with a show of might, an example of what would lay in store for them if they refused.
“Brother those are our options, what do you think, can you or your people add anything?”
As Bullocks mulled over his question, Doob asked,
“Could we gas them?”
“Gas them?” Zeuyou responded.
“Why yes Bullocks responded.”
“How,” was Morkious response.
“When we found the conspirator’s enclave, we had several options but all of them would’ve led to terrible blood shed. Then Doob here asked us about knock out gas. Which we had in case the locals ever stumbled upon our presence. It knocks them out for several hours, and when they awaken, they are weak, feeble, and don’t remember very much.”
“Do you have any?”
“Very little. It’s a liquid and when exposed to air it becomes a gas. Methinks you can
easily create more in your labs on board.”
“That’s a grand idea, sir.” Zeuyou,” exclaimed.
“True we could teleport it into their ships and put them to sleep.” Another officer added.
“Brother, give us what you have and we’ll make it so. If they don’t respond in a friendly manner, we’ll put them to sleep and tow them out into the expanse. Do you have any of their people here?”
“Yes there’s about a dozen or so. Not all of them are bad, some are decent people.”
Then see who wants to stay and who wants to go back home. Those who want to return will need to be reprogrammed. They will be teleported unto their ships along with the gas. We will also reprogram everybody on board all their ships then tow them out. We don’t want any of them to ever remember being here.
“How soon can you give us the gas?”
“It’s being done as we speak.”
“Then we must return to the ship and contact them. They won’t be around much longer, I guarantee you. As soon as they’re gone your people need to be ready to get on board.
“Oh, they’re ready now.”
“Are you returning home?”
“Yes I’ve no family here…well there’s Evelyn, my adopted daughter. I love her dearly and can’t do anything without her. But she recently found somebody,” he smiled at Yanis, and continued, “I’m sure he’ll take good care of her. They’ll be alright.”
“Is she Nextousian?”
“No, her parents were from Guanos, a world in the Xnabis system. Her father was a good friend and when he died I adopted her. They’ve decided to stay here. But who knows maybe in the future they’ll visit me, anyhow they can communicate with us. So yea, I’m coming home brother.”
Morkious smiled, and there was a small tear forming in the bottom of his right eye. Doob and I and looked at one another then at Yanis who smiled back. Bullock’s words were indeed a blessing directed to him.
Aboard the Merday ship the commander was hailed by Morkious.
“Commander I’m Morkious commander of the Musha from Nextousia. Although you’re in cloak mode, we’ve identified your position. We need to know your intentions with the world below.”
“With all due respect commander that is none of your business. And what are you doing here?”
“We’re here on a rescue mission, and for another it is our business. Nextousia opposes acts of colonizing where ever they occur. We need to know you aren’t planning to colonize this world.”
“Like I said before it’s none of your business and for another there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sure you also know I’ve several star ships with me, and we out number you.
“Obviously you’ve not seen our strength and so do not know of our superior power.”
“We’re powerful Merday ships and are prepared to take your worst. So do what you will and we’ll respond in kind. Do what you will at your own risk.”
“Consider yourselves warned!”
Morkious cut the conversation short, and the Merday smiled. On his screen he could see and hear their glee as they gloated over their triumph.
“I guess we backed him off, uh, commander.” The first officer exclaimed.
“He hee heee…haw haw haw. They laughed.”
Aboard the Musha, Morkious and his crew smiled.
“Sir, they know not what they do.”
“Ignorance can be so tragic sometimes. We warned them. Soon they’ll reap what hey have sown. Zeuyou is the gas ready?”
“At your command sir!”
“Then do so!”
The Merday never knew what hit them. Gas canisters appeared releasing their dreams all over their ships at the same time. When the Nextousian forces boarded their ships they found them happily dozing. Along with them they brought all Merday wanting to return home. Once the ships were secured, they placed mind control devices in all sections of all their ships. They were movement sensitive devices, programmed to unleash their mind bending blue haze at the slightest movement. When the Merday stirred the blue haze permeated their ships, and back to la la land they went. Aboard the Musha Morkious’ people reprogrammed them. They would never remember ever having been in this Galaxy. Then they towed them out into the expanse far from the Nebula of this system. Within twenty four hours, the Musha returned by itself.
‘Bullocks my brother, we’re ready to return home, and to take these souls back where they belong. Have they said their goodbyes? Are they ready? Do any of them need to be reprogrammed?
“Morkious they’re ready, and we’ve reprogrammed all who need it. It’s time to board and go home.”
Before the Musha departed, they had one last reunion. They perhaps would never see each other again. They all came from so many distant worlds and many would never return. It was a joyous reunion with their favorite earthly meals and refreshments. Fruits, water, soft drinks, juices, spirits, and proteins were spread out for them to enjoy. Many embraced and kissed those who were staying. Evelyn cried as she embraced Bullocks.
“Hey you can come visit me one day. Nextusia will keep an eye on this place just in case some ignorant Merday remembers. You can always text me on the IGT, we’ll be in contact, and should you ever need me I will there for you. Perhaps you and Yanis will come visit me, uh.”
Yanis smiled and responded, “I would love to come and visit you.”
“That would be wonderful and perhaps you may bring your little offspring too,” he respond as he hugged him.
“If they ever do I would love to come with my family too,” I added.
“Me too, the old lady and I would love come,” Doob smiled.
“You three remind of Alex Dumas!” he responded with a big smiled.
“Alex who,” I asked.
“Oh, he was a wonderful French novelist from the 19th century. You should read some of his works, especially the “Three Musketeers.” You guys remind me of them.”
“They were paladins of their era and had many adventures such as yours,” he smiled.
Gloria came for the occasion, and so he turned to her, and “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Sadly it may be our last unless Yanis brings you to Nextusia some day.” He hugged her, kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand. She smiled and responded, “Sir, the pleasure is all mine. Indeed perhaps someday we’ll visit, so please don’t say never because you never know.”
Then Morkious announced, “My friends, sadly we must leave as we have so many place to go. Nextusia wishes all well and we extend one and all an open invitation to come and visit us.”
Those who were staying slowly teleported back to the moon. Then from the windows they saw the huge ship reappear. They were in awe watching the multitude of colors spinning from its disks. Then as suddenly as they had appeared they vanished. Back on the moon the festivity resumed but it seemed like a wake for dear friends now gone. There were many, some whom we would never see again. But we stayed because the paradise below was now our home. If ever any alien invaders come, we will be ready to defend it. We all agreed to keep ourselves incognito as we have always done. The people here are not yet ready to meet us. We still live amongst you.”
I find this tale incredible to believe, but as my friend told it to me, I’ve told it to you. He never told me how or where he met Yanis nor where he lives. That would be understandable as they want to remain hidden. But somehow it explains a lot of mysteries that have occurred over the centuries. I’m still somewhat skeptical and so I leave it to you come to your own conclusions.
So right now we need to seriously consider where that message will go.”
“Yea, and what it will say,” I added.
“They did us all a favor after all,” Yanis smiled.
“Yea, it would be way cool to go home,” Doobiz added.
“We seem to be getting closer to resolving this situation. But we need to get those kooks, they should have come to us with their scheme. They broke our laws, and we need to find them before they do something really stupid again.”
“Yea it would really screw things up if the world found out about us because of them.”
“It would be worse if they went to China or North Korea and revealed themselves in
exchange for help with their selfish plans.”
“That could start another world war, here.”
“For sure those dumb asses in Korea would start one if they thought they had an edge.”
“Let’s hope they aren’t that selfish.”
“If some of our worlds found out we were here and started a holocaust, it would be the end for all of us. We have no business being here in the first place.
“That is true! The Aranjaynion council would not like it at all.
“So what do we have so far…anything?”
“We need to get back to Koinus and see if he got anywhere. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.”
At that very moment Koinus walked in shaking his head.
“Sir, the good news is the guys at the base believe they can modify the IGT. If we can get enough jouniquiem, we can send out a message. We’ll be able to transmit. Not much is needed, only a few kilograms. At the moment they’re disassembling it for transport here. It should be here tomorrow. All we need is the element. If we make the transmission from here nobody will be able to detect it.
“That’s great news, man, and we can get more than a few kilogra .” Yanis gleefully smiled as he rubbed his hands together.
“I gather that is the good news.” Bullocks remarked.
“Yes sir!” Koinus responded.
“So what’s the bad news?”
“It’s not so bad sir, it’s just we don’t know where those bozos are. The rest of those clowns have been very cooperative, but the fact is they don’t know anything about them. They were the ones who made the initial contact, and then set everything up. So they could be any where. They ‘re very tight so it’s very possible the three of them are together somewhere.
“We should try Buenos Aires,” I mentioned.
“What do you know,” Dooobiz interjected.
“When I was digging around into this I asked Dorbik if knew any of them. He told me that Teebit ran into the three of them at a café down there. He called them the three stooges. Teebit and Dorbik like to tango, and they go down there all the time. He told me when Teebit ran into them, they gave him a cold shoulder, they just froze him out. He took the hint and left them alone. After that he started calling them the three stooges. So it’s possible they may live down there. After all they did crashed in the Andes, and they may have settled down there. Nobody has ever seen them anywhere else.”
“Then let’s send a team down there as soon as possible.” Bullocks smiled.
“Why not let Teebit and Dorbik go instead. They know the area, and they may know where to look. All they have to do is find them and let us know where to go. I’m sure they feel safe down there. Hell they may be walking around as carefree as a bear in the woods. If they spot any of us they’re going to disappear. But they have no reason to suspect them, they’ve seen them there before.”
“That makes sense why not let Cho Cha call and ask them.” Doobiz added.
“Koinus go tell her…no, no let Evelyn do it. She talks to them all the time. Now all we have to do is sit and wait it out. Once these assholes are reprogrammed we can concentrate on modifying the IGT. Send our S.O.S. message and finally, and we can all go…”
“HOME,” Yanis loudly interjected with a big smile.
When Zoutious and Nookodubididy’s ship crashed in the Andes they were fortunate to find a saviour. Aho was from Karahoe, a world in the Klatu Nexto galaxy. He had been stranded here for more than a century. When he saw what everybody thought was a meteorite in the night sky, he immediately recognized a star ship. He raced to find it before the authorities, and arrived just after the explosion to find Zoutious and Nookodubididy scurrying away. He greeted them with a smiled and with their translators they soon realized he too was an off world soul.
“Peace, I mean you no harm. I come from Karahoe in the Klatu galaxy.”
They embraced him, and he took them to his home. There he explained that they were in the southern continent of the planet’s western hemisphere. That it was culturally, if not politically, united by a common alpha tongue.
“How long have you been here,” Zoutious asked.
“Longer than I want to remember and alas…it seems I shall die here.”
“Have you never tried to go home,” Nookodubididy asked.
“It’s useless! The science here is too primitive, and if the natives find out you’re from out there somewhere. Brother! They will dissect your ass. It’s best to walk among them in secret. The elements we need to build a transmitter have not yet been discovered here. And forget about building a ship.”
“No offense Aho but I do not want to die here,” Zoutious exclaimed.
“Then you need to find other off world beings. I believe there are others, but I’ve never been able to find any. Perhaps I became too comfortable here. I don’t know, but now I’m too damned old. Soon I will return to my maker anyway, but as they say here, “Me casa su casa!”
“What does that mean,” Nookodubbididy blurted out.
“My house is your house. So stay as long as you want.”
He showed them where to find gold in the mountains, how to extract it with their lasers, and where to exchange it for currency. He pleaded that they not live extravagantly, low key was best to remain safe. When Zoutious and Nookodubididy saw Buenos Aires, the Paris of Latin America, from the hills it reminded them of home. Not long after that Aho died, they cremated him and moved to the city. From there they started exploring the world, looking for other off world beings.
Through the years they embraced Argentina, with its Tango and Yerba Matay. The strange new brew was an added bonus. Its high caffeine content heightened their senses, and soon dominated their day. They became regulars at different tea houses. Since they didn’t age after a while they aroused suspicion. So every few years they moved always bringing along their own personal bombillas to drink their matay. They learned the language, and spent their days hanging out at various tea houses. They sat at tables on the sidewalk, sipped matay and schemed to get back home.
Teebit was in another zone as he walked down Avenida de Mayo thinking of his Tango
“Look, isn’t that Teebit,” Jokid asked as he pointed at him.
“Yea, what’s he doing here,” Zoutious nervously responded.
“The last time we saw him, we froze him out,”
“Do you think he knows anything,” Jokid continued.
“Let’s call him over and find out,” Nookodibididy responded.
So unlike their previous encounter, this time they greeted him with a smile, and invited him to their table. He was surprised when he saw Zoutious waving at him with a smile. He hadn’t been thinking of talking to them, he saw them, but he was just going to smile and keep walking. But suddenly,
“Hey Teebit, how ya doing,” Zoutious smiled as he waved him over.
Unlike them he was unaware of the events of the last few days. But they didn’t know and were surprised that he didn’t know.
“What’s going on,” Teebit smiled.
“Funny we were going to ask you the same thing,” Jokid responded.
“Didn’t you go to Bullocks’ affair the other day,” Zoutious continued.
“Nah! Dorbik and I hang at the links all day. We come home and just want to relax, man. The trip out east alone is enough to not go. It’s cold over there, man. Did you guys go?”
“No that’s why we wanted to hear about it from you.” Nookodibididy smiled.
“No time for that, just a bunch of guys with nothing else to do. When they figure out a way for us to go home, we’ll go check it out.”
“So watcha doing here?”
“If you wanna Tango you gotta come here, besides the weather is really nice at this time of year. Dorbik an me, we come here all the time, divo. We love the ladies, and the Tango, man. If it weren’t for them and golf we would have gone bananas a long time ago. But hey, we would give it all up for the chance to go home.”
“In a Noo Yawk minute dude!”
“So where you going now,” Jokid asked.
“Divo…it’s Sunday, man.”
“It’s Tango at the Plaza in San Telmo, man.”
“Oh yea I forget.”
“You mean to tell me you’ve been here all this time and you don’t Tango.”
“You don’t know how long I’ve been here.”
“True but since I see you every time I come by here, I figure you must be living here.”
“We love matay, man. There’s nothing like it in the world,” Zoutious interjected.
“Yea that’s true, but I never got into it, Dorbik doesn’t like it either. Caffeine is not good for us.”
“So you’re just here for the ladies, uh.”
“Yea and the beaches too, man,” he responded. Then he looked at his watch and continued, “Gotta go I’m late, man.”
He left them at their table arguing and continued on his way. When Evelyn finally got to him the following day, he was delighted for the opportunity to hit on her.
“And to what to do I owe this pleasure,” Teebit responded.
“Oh I know you and Dorbik like to Tango…”
“So you want me to teach you, uh,” he interjected.
“That would be nice. Hey, have you ever been to Buenos Aires?”
“We go there all the time.”
“So have you ever seen Zoutious down there?”
“You two have a thing?”
“No no, Bullocks needs to talk to him, and I’m trying to find him. Those stooges are hard to find. Nobody seems to know where they live or how to get in touch with them. So I’m just making calls to try and find them.”
“Oh so you don’t want to Tango, you just want to find the…stooges, he hee heee.
“Oh no, I would really love to learn, but right now I need to find them. So you call them stooges too, uh. Why is that?”
“Because my sweets they act like stooges all the time.”
“So you see them often do you?”
“Well Dorbik and I go to Buenos Aires all the time. We really believe they live there because every time we go there we run into them.”
“Yea, there’s a tea house on Avenida de Mayo and every Sunday around four in the P.M. you’ll find them there. They spend their time drinking matay and shooting the bull. Methinks they’re gammamas.”
“We’ve been going down there for a long time, and in all that time we’ve never seen them with a lady.”
“Well maybe they’re being faithful to the one they left back home. You ever think about that?”
“Anything’s possible, but we doubt it. So when are you coming out here for that Tango lesson?”
“I’ll call you,” she sweetly responded and hung up.
“Bullocks,” she yelled, “I just talked to Teebit and he tells me our stooges live in Buenos
Aires. And on Sundays at four in the afternoon, they hang out at a tea house on Avenue de Mayo.”
“That is great news Eve, but we can’t wait until Sunday.”
“Well from what Teebit tells me I think they’re addicted to Yerba Matay. So they must go to other tea houses down there. They don’t go to the Tango Salons. It seems they just drink tea and scheme on ways to go home. Jokid is down there with them right now.”
“We need to go there, put a tail on them, and find out where they live. We’ll snag them and bring them here. I’ve got just the team too.”
At the conference table, Bullocks looked around at everybody, and smiled.
“Guys, we got them, they’re in Argentina. Buenos Aires to be exact! Yanis, we need you guys to go there and do your thing again. Alky and Con Yo will go with you. Your ship is too small to bring them all. So, they’ll land a bigger ship in the mountains. When you get them, bring them to Con Yo. They’ll bring them up here.”
“Do you know exactly where they are?”
“No you guys are going to have to hang around the tea houses on Avenida de Mayo. Look for them, and hope you get lucky.”
“No problem there boss,” Con Yo declared, and continued, “Gauchos drink tea all the time. But four in the afternoon is a special time for tea drinkers down there. It’s almost a sacred ritual. So if these bozos have been living there they’ve become Argentinoes. We’ll find them.”
“Yea we’ll stun em, and vanish with em,” Yanis winked at Bullocks.
“That’s right boss, they’ll join the disappeared ones, he hee heee…” Alky interjected.
“I guarantee it boss!” I added with a short chortle.
“So when do we leave,” Doobiz added.
“As soon as you can, yesterday would have been great. Any questions?”
Since nobody had any, he responded,
“Meeting’s adjourned. Let me know the minute you get back.”
“Wish I could come do the Tango with you,” I overheard Evelyn whisper into Yanis’ ear.
She saw me, and started to blush. So I smiled, winked at her, put a finger to my lips and whispered, “I never heard a thing,” as I continued to walk out the door.
Once on the ship I called Gloria and brought her up to speed. Again she was miffed withme because she has always wanted to learn the Tango. We never really had a honeymoon, and here I was going to the home of the Tango without her.
“You always tell her everything dude,” Yanis remarked.
Doobiz had just finished talking to his better half, and he immediately responded,
“Dude if you want to be happy you’d better be on the same page.”
From a downtown hotel we took turns scouting the area for them. We wanted all three but if it was possible we would take them one at a time. We didn‘t have any luck the first two days, then on the third day Con Yo spotted Zoutious walking by himself.
“Hey guys I got Zoutious walking by himself,” he practically screamed into the phone.
“Hold on a minute,” I responded, and continued, “let me ask the guys.”
“Hey Con Yo has Z in his sights, should we pounce on him?”
“It’s about time we got one of those ass holes…tell him to take his ass out,” Alky shouted.
“Hold on a minute there,” Doobiz responded, and continued, “If Z disappears Nook will know something’s up. Those two are like Siamese twins, man. He’ll vanish immediately and we’re going to have a hell of a time finding him. I would rather we get Jokid first. Him vanishing will not cause the other two any agita. But if Jokid disappears, those clowns won’t worry for long. We’ll still be able to get them.”
“Yea I have to agree with Doob,” Yanis countered, “Let’s wait until we can get the other two. Tell Con Yo to just follow him. See where he goes, maybe he’ll lead us to the other two.”
“Con Yo just follow him, and get back to us,” I responded and ended the call.
He followed him to an old building in the Moserrat district, and came back. The following morning, early, Alky strolled up and down Avenida de Mayo. At the same time Doobiz waited in a parked car across the street from their building. He was there like Elliot Ness waiting for Al Capone, hoping any of them would show up. Meanwhile Evelyn was calling every few hours looking for an update on the situation. But I really felt she was just calling to shoot the breeze with Yanis. His voice seemed to change when he talked with her, hell his whole persona changed. The dude was in love.
That afternoon as Doobiz was starting to lose hope of catching any of them, Nook and Z calmly strolled out of the building. The street was empty. It was just the two of them, so he took the initiative and ran out of the car. He quietly came up from behind, and they never knew what hit them. Before anybody came upon the scene, he vanished with them. Then he took his time, slowly dragged them to an alley behind the building and called us.
“I go them, I got the mofoes, man,” he screamed into the phone.
Yanis pulled the phone away from his ear, stuck his pinky in it and twisted it around a bit, then asked,
“Where are you?”
“Right by their building, they’ll be out for a while, and if they come to, I’ll freaking zap them again.”
“We’ll be right over,”
Yanis called Alka Pooh Ria and told him to meet us by their home. Maria Juana, an old lady had been looking out of her second story window all day as she drank her Sherry. It was a quiet neighborhood, nothing ever happened, and she became tired of looking out at the street. So she decided to look out into the alley. At that same moment we arrived and when Doobiz saw us he reappeared with his captives. So as she looked out of her window, she saw Doobiz and his prisoners appear right out of the thin air. She freaked and screamed,
We looked up and smiled at her, she looked down at us, then at her drink, then at us again.
“Too much too drink,” Yanis yelled as he smiled and pointed his thumb into his mouth, as if he were having a drink. He meant to imply the kooks were drunk, but she misinterpreted it to mean that he was saying she was a drunk. So she yelled,
“Tu madre!” (that’s Spanish for ya mama!)
“Haw haw haw,” we cracked up. She slammed the window and went back to look out unto the street. She was there just in time to see us loading our prey into the car.
We were helping Doobiz put them in the car when Yanis looked up and saw the old lady again. So once more he made his thumb drinking sign at her. Con Yo was too busy to see us, so I smiled at Yanis and together we vanished in front of her. She blinked several times, then she opened her window and stuck her head out to stare at us. We stayed out of sight until she closed her window and left, then we reappeared. A moment later she saw us and opened her window. She was staring at us again, so we smiled at her, and vanished.
“Bastah,” (Enough!), she screamed as she threw her drink at us. Then she turned around and ran screaming inside. Her howling sounded like a banshee wailing through her open window.
We reappeared silently laughing just as Alky showed up, and climbed into the car. The drive north out of the city took about an hour into the Pampas. Our ships were out in the middle of a field in nowhere, sitting on the grass in stealth mode. We took our bozos out of the car and led them into Con Yo’s ship. They returned to the moon, and we went back to wait for Jokid.
For the next three days there was no sign of him, it was as if he had fallen off the planet. Though it was a certainty he wouldn’t go back home, he knew his transporter was broken, we had people in his apartment. We weren’t taking any chances. He knew his pals had vanished, disappeared without a trace, so he had to suspect us. We also had people at the airport, bus and train stations. They were in constant contact, and nobody had seen him, so he had to be in the city.
Then on the third day, on a hunch, Doobiz went to the plaza. There he spotted Jokid ogling couples going through their Tango paces. He was zoned in oblivious to everything around him as he watched them do the Tango. Doobiz was sneaking up on him, as he was about to stun him, Jokid spied him out of the corner of his eye and ran. He alerted rest of us and chased him through the crowd. Jokid ran pushing couples out of his way to the ground. Doobiz ran after him jumping over them. They got up and joined the chase as Jokid ran into a park with Doobiz, and an angry mob after him.
When we came on the scene, we spotted the mob with Doobiz up in front not too far behind Jokid as they ran up a bike trail. From where we were we noticed a cluster of trees, around a bend ahead of them. Yanis looked at me, smiled, and we ran up to the trees. There we waited for him, and as he turned around the bend, Yanis stunned him. He dropped like an exhausted runner at a marathon. We ran up and grabbed him just as the mob came into view. Some smiled and others broke into loud guffaws as they pointed at us.
“Haw haw haw!”
By that time the cops arrived. So we grabbed Jokid and vanished before their befuddled eyes. After a brief moment the disappointed horde turned to Doobiz, and screamed-
But he was ahead of the mob, and as he ran from them, he vanished before them too.
They screamed and ran off in every direction screaming about ghost and monsters. We waited until the park was clear, then reappeared with Jokid, who was still stunned.
“Next stop,” I announced and before I could finish the sentence…
“The Moon,” Doobiz finished it for me.
We called Koinus and asked him to meet us at the bottom of the hill. By the time we got there, he was waiting for us. We climbed into his car and headed back to our ship. We left the car by the side of the road and climbed aboard. When Jokid woke up we were half way to the moon. He scratched his head, looked around, and moaned…
“So what now?”
“That me pal is up to the council. But don’t worry you won’t be zapped. We aren’t savages.”
At the hanger Bullocks greeted us with a big smile. Con Yo and Alky were there, and Jokid meekly went with them. We shook hands and Bullocks, smiled.
“That’s it guys. We’re done.”
“What are you going to do with him,” I asked.
“Oh he’s going right back to his chair, just like the others. When he wakes up he won’t remember a thing.”
“So then we go back to the same old?”
“Oh no not at all,” he responded and continued. “Thanks to your jouniquiem we can now send a message from right here. We need to sort that out as soon as possible. The cool thing is we can get an immediate response. We have to work out what to say and whom to say it to, so that we can all go home.”
“Sir that is indeed way cool, but there may be some people who won’t want to leave.”
“True and that’s up to them, we aren’t forcing anybody to leave.”
“Okay how about the Pigus and the others who live in those evil oppressive societies?”
“Yea and the freaking Merday too, some of them want to colonize this paradise,” Yanis added.
“Don’t worry they’re all being reprogrammed. Then we’re going to strand them somewhere, with a communicator, so that they can contact their people. They won’t ever remember being here. They won’t be a threat to anybody.”
“And the rest of us, how do we work that out,” I asked.
“Yea that’s a lot of people,” Doobiz added.
“When we figure out whom to call, we’ll work that out too. But we’ve got time to do what ever we need to do, there‘s no hurry.”
“So not too long from now we can expect a mother ship to rescue us.”
“Yea, we just need to figure whose mother it’s going to be, uh.”
“Are we going to play that silly game the kooks played back down there?
“What game was that,” Bullocks asked with a raised eyebrow.
“It’s a long story,” Yanis responded.
“Oh no we’re more evolved than that,” I interjected.
“So what do we do,” Yanis continued.
“In the morning there will be a council meeting, and it’s going be resolved there.”
“That will take forever!”
“That forever will not be as long as so many of us have been here. Resolving it in the council will prevent any animosities from developing. It will be handled properly. I’ll make a formal announcement. We can contact our peoples. I’ll ask them to nominate whom ever they want to be the first contact. They’ll discuss it and make a decision then we’ll send our message.”
“That sounds so simple.”
“Because it is,” he responded.
In a very short time, and unanimously, the council chose Bullocks. We all trust him, love him, and he also happens to be the one who has been here the longest. His people have also been at peace in their galaxy for millennia. We won’t have to worry about anybody coming here to upset the natural order. The message was simple, concise, to the point and it was directed to the head of their interstellar relations council. It pretty much was an intergalactic S.O.S. He made it clear that he had been stranded here for a very long time. It’s a primitive society, and its science hasn’t evolved yet. After years of trying we were finally able to put together an IGT. We need help to get home. He emphasized his longing to come home, and explained that there were others with him in a similar predicament. We needed help he pleaded. He explained that it was a very complex situation which couldn’t be clarified in so short a message. He released a copy for all us to read, and make suggestions. We left it as he wrote it, and he ended it with anxiously awaiting your response. It was sent, and we waited.
A day passed, a short reply arrived, and he translated for us. It read,
“We’re sad to hear of your fix. We’ll come as soon as you give us your location.”
“People,” he joyfully exclaimed, “We’re going home at last.”
He immediately sent our stellar location in this nebulous galaxy. He gave them the quadrants to the yellow star and its system, and where we were on the moon of the third orb. He included our position on its dark side.
If an ant could see a seven forty seven and grasp what it is…it would be in shock. Thenshould she try to convey her experience to her peers they would not believe her. That was pretty much our response the next day when a star ship appeared. It was like a saucer and it was humongous. But it wasn’t from Nextousia. We couldn’t identify it, and fearing the worst we feared making contact.
“Merday!” Doobiz exclaimed.
“Are you sure,” Bullocks asked.
“Oh absolutely, sir.”
“Then those bozo’s message made it through. It came to us and went on to Merday. That’s their ship responding.”
“Oh hell if they examine this planet they may want to colonize it, and we’ll be in for it.”
“We!” I exclaimed, and continued, “How about those poor souls down there?”
“Yea many of us have families down there we’ll be forced to join the struggle.”
“Well we’re waiting for my people to come, they won’t allow it.”
“Are we going to see a galactic battle”
“Damn! Those people down there, we’ll be exposed to them, and all their notions of life are going to be shattered.”
“Half of them are going to be in shock!”
“Let’s not rush to negative conclusions, let us wait and see what they do. At this moment the Merday are cloaked and in orbit. They can’t be seen. Let’s hope that before they do anything my people will arrive.”
“What happens then?
“We’ll make contact with them and hopefully have a fruitful dialogue.
“That ship is huge, sir. I doubt they’re going to be intimidated.
“True Merday live under the notion that might is right. It took a coalition, a federation ofplanets to convince them out of their colonizing ways. Right now they can’t colonize anybody in their galaxy, but this place has no such protection. As far as they’re concerned it’s fair game.”
“Indeed evil works under that presumption but let us wait and see. They surely aren’t going to start a war down there at the moment. They’ll be calling home, alerting their superiors, and they’ll discuss it. They’ll make plans, and if they decide to colonize they’ll send a fleet. That will take time. We can wait a day or two, by them my people will be here. I assure you they will not allow it. It’s our culture we aren’t colonizers. We believe in letting souls evolve and discover their way in the universe. Those souls down there are on their way, but they still have a long way to go. Nextousia will defend them, count on it.
The next day an orb shaped like Saturn materialized out of the darkness. Its rings spinning as the ship hovered over our enclave. It was at least twice as large as the first and we feared it was Merday, but when Bullocks saw it, he joyfully proclaimed,
“It’s my people!”
A moment later two smiling souls dressed in what looked like blue neon leisure suits
appeared beside him,
“Calabassa en durby,” one uttered as he embraced Bullocks.
With tears in his eyes Bullocks embraced him, and it was such a joyous reunion that all of us had tears in our eyes. Then using his translator so that all could understand, he said
“I’m Morkious, commander of the Musha above, and this is indeed my bother. For so long we thought he had come to some terrible end. Truly this is a joyous moment for me. His friends are our friends and if we can be of assistance then please don’t hesitate to ask.”
We were beside ourselves with great joy, and pretty much speechless. All we could do was to nod our heads in agreement and smile. So Bullocks put his arm around his brother they hugged for a long moment. Then Bullocks started to explain the situation.
“The world below is truly a paradise its souls are evolving but they haven’t yet harnessed the mag nor travelled among the stars. There are many nations and there are enmities, some have mastered the atom. There are countless wars and some have been too horrible for words to describe. But among the masses there are beautiful souls with great understanding of the universal laws. Still as with so many other worlds, their leaders, though with good intentions, manage to create havoc.”
“Yes many souls with good intentions somehow manage to create evil and madness.”
“That is a condition where ever there are societies.
“So it is here. There are many souls from all over the cosmos stranded here, some for countless solar cycles. Over time we’ve managed to form a secret society. We do not want this world to become aware of us. We fear doing them harm.”
With great amain Morkious and his lieutenant listened as Bullocks continued.
“Recently we discovered a conspiracy to create an IGT that would’ve exposed us. But by grace we were blessed to discover Jouniquiem. At the same time as our discovery we were able to dismantle the conspiracy and capture the conspirators. They just wanted to go home, but they went about it in the worst possible way. Fortunately we were able to use jouniquiem with their IGT and send our S.O.S. to you. Unfortunately before we were able to subdue the rascals, they managed to send a message to their home. It’s a world in the Gamboozian Galaxy, and its people are colonizers. There is a federation within their galaxy and it forbids colonizing. But this world is outside of Gamboozia and as far as they’re concerned it’s fair game. Two days ago one of their star ships arrived and at this very moment it’s orbiting the world below.”
“Yes we know they’re in stealth mode, and we’ve detected them. We were hoping they were on a rescue mission.”
“One can only hope.”
“Zeuyou go back up and place all personnel on alert. Should any other ships arrive alert me at once. Also send a message back home and let them know our conditions here. We aren’t going to allow any colonizing here.”
“Yes sir,” he responded and at once disappeared.
“Meanwhile Bullocks you must alert your comrades to make plans to return home. We have room for as many as there may be.”
“Brother some have been here so long they’ve mated with souls below, many have families here, and may not want to return.”
“That is their will. They can stay but at least offer them the opportunity to stay, return or to at least send a message home to their families.”
“We have a council, I will have them convene at once, and I will introduce you.”
Then Bullocks introduced us to his brother.
“Ha! Ya missed by a mile. I thought you were a pro, man.” Ma Mau laughed.
After him Dan Che ran to the table, quickly scribbled his name on a piece of paper, and
ran to the door. He smiled and imitating Zoutious, nervously tried a set shot. It landed just
outside, away from the larger circle, and rolled to just within the second circle.
“Damn! Damn, damn,” he muttered as he walked away shaking his head, obviously upset.
They all ran to the table and started writing their names on paper, and then anxiously ran to the door. There they settled and waited as they went one after the other taking their turn. Then one asked,
“Hey what if somebody knocks Z’s ball out…then what?”
There was silence, then, Sek Si commented,
“It’s just like shuffle board, man. You either kick him out, kick him closer to dead center, or land closer than him. Like shuffle board, it counts. Just make your shot and don’t worry about it.”
“Okay then, let’s finish this!” Somebody else gleefully screamed.
They continued, and nobody came close to Zoutious, then Sek si made his shot. He decided that like in shuffle board he was going to knock him out of there. He was full of confidence, and as he stood at the threshold, he gulped, his smile disappeared, and he too choked. He threw it too hard, and his shot went way too far. It rolled all the way out of the target area.
“Oh yea! Just like shuffle board, uh!”
“Hey Cul you play a lot of shuffle board, uh baby?” Somebody screamed.
“Haw haw haw,” The guffaws echoed out of the room.
Red faced he walked out and didn’t even look back. After a half hour Zoutious was still the leading man. Nookobididy stood behind him, smiling and thinking maybe he wouldn’t have to try at all. Then Toid stood at the threshold, and Nookobididy became nervous because Wankers are known as cheaters. They cheat at everything they do, and back in Gamboozia they are known through out the federation as cheaters. Even their ambassadors are eyed with suspicion. So as Toid eyed his target, Nookobididy had has his fingers crossed behind his back. Even though there was no way he could possibly cheat, Nookobididy was nervous just the same. Toid stood there almost as tall as Larry Bird, eyed his target and took a set shot. He just kind of gently rolled it off his finger tips with enough force that it landed right behind Zoutious. Then it pushed him right into the middle of the target, as his took Zootious’ place.
“Wow!” Nookobididy loudly exclaimed, and continued, “Just like freaking shuffle board.”
“Damn, Toid you really are a piece of shit aren’t you,” Bond screamed at his pal.
“Guffaws,” again filled the room.
“If you can do better mate, then have a go it. Go ahead, do your best Bond,” Toid indignantly responded.
So with a smile Bond gently shoved his comrade out of the way. He closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths.
“So it’s yoga now is it?” Toid blurted out.
“One mustn’t lose one’s cool old man,” Bold smiled back, and slowly kept taking his long deep breaths.
“Come on already,” somebody screamed.
He was in a zone then he opened his eyes, and smiled. He took a hop on his left foot, and let the little ball of paper fly through the air from the tips of the fingers of his right hand. It too had a lot of hang time, and seemed to float through the air as it slowly moved towards its target. It landed at the edge of the inner circle, and slowly rolled right next to Zoutious’. The two pieces were parallel to one another, fused side by side.
“It’s a tie,” Toid screamed.
“Oh yea!” Bond smiled as he gave his pal a heavy handed slap on the back. Then added, “That’s how you do it mate.”
Pigu walked over and he, Ma Mau and Khon Yo closely studied the little balls. To see if one of them was closer than the other. Then Khon Yo raised his arms up in the air and shouted, “We have to have a tie breaker!”
“Damned Wankers!” Nookobididy muttered, then screamed, “No, no no, I haven’t had my turn yet.”
He took his place at the threshold, and scanned his cronies, he looked at everybody. He didn’t smile and closed his eyes. He focused on the two pieces of paper in the middle of the target. There was nothing else on his mind, only the two pieces of paper. Then like Bond he took several long deep breaths. The room was quiet as his cronies anxiously waited to see what he would do. His was the last attempt and would decide whether they would have a tie breaker. He stood there for a moment and imagined himself to be Mark Roth. He was going to roll his last ball for a perfect game, the trophy, and a million dollar prize. He stepped back a couple of feet, stopped, and smiled. Then he took a step back and slid forward as he fiercely threw his little ball straight ahead. It flew just above the floor in a straight line, dead on to the two little balls in the middle of the target. It hit one and knocked it clear out of the circle. It was a carom shot, and nudged the other a bit as one glanced off in the other direction, and out of the target.
“Damn!” Someone exclaimed.
“What a freaking shot.”
“Shuffle board!” Zoutious screamed.
“Which one is it,” a few of them asked at the same time.
“Nobody touch them!” Pigu declared.
“Especially the Wankers,” Ma Mau screamed.
“Does anybody object to me,” Putana, from Buco del Culo asked.
“Okay by me,” Zoutious responded with a confident smile.
“Me too,” Nookobididy agreed with his pal.
“Go ahead!” Toid exclaimed.
So she slowly walked to the one outside the right side of the target, bent down as they ogled her behind, and picked it up.
“Okay you bunch of dogs, I saw you,” she glared.
Then on purpose she slowly unraveled the little ball, one slow motion at a time. After a long moment she finished, slowly raised it up above her head, smiled, and announced,
“This ones… Nook!” She smiled.
That didn’t sit well him with because he didn’t like being called Nook. But he ignored it
because it was Putana, and two it was the situation. So he didn’t object. Then she slowly walked across the floor to the other side, and looked at every body. “Please don’t ogle my ass,” she pleaded.” Then she bent down to pick up the other little paper ball. No matter just the same, they couldn’t help themselves. Men are the same all over the universe. It’s the one thing we can’t ever evolve from. If we could then perhaps it would be the end of life for our kind.
“Oh you sick freaking dogs,” she screamed in disgust.
They laughed and she repeated her previous procedure, slowly unraveling the second one too.
“So who the hell is it for goodness sake,” Toid asked.
“Wow it’s…it’s Bond’s,” she slowly sang out loud with a big smile.
“Congratulations Z!” Bond smiled as he extended his hand.
Smiling Zoutious took it and responded, “Thank you old man, thank you!”
“So it’s settled,” Nookobididy announced, “We’re going to contact Merday, and soon we’ll all be going home.”
“Yea!” Pigu screamed.
“You can say that again,” Toi Noun responded as he popped open a bottle of apple cider. They toasted the event. It was a celebration and they toasted one another in having successfully achieved their goal in peace.
“People we pulled one over on Bullocks, uh!” Bond exclaimed with a big smile.
“Yea, he never even had a freaking clue.” Toid added with a smile.
“I may yet make it to my kid’s wedding,” Jokid smiled as he toasted with Zoutious.
The contest kept them distracted for almost ninety minutes, giving Doobiz plenty of time to complete his task.
“Look there’s Doob,” I smiled, and continued, “He’s standing behind the building.”
With a big smile on his face Yanis slowly descended and opened the door while still in stealth mode. Doobiz jumped in, Yanis closed the door, and ascended again. Once inside, Doobiz exclaimed,
“All we have to do now is the hard part.”
“Come again,” Yanis asked.
“Wait for them to send their silly message…he hee heee!”
“Yea! That’s tough to do,” I responded.
“When they finish, the fire works begin.”
“Yea, man! When I was down there trying to find the cable in the patch, I realize that it was dry. That corn patch is as dried as the Sahara. When it catches on fire it’s going to pop, man. We’re going to have pop corn! Those mofoes are going to think they’re being fired on, and it’s going to be pandemonium down there.”
“Way cool!” I was exicted, and started rubbing my hands together.
“Yea, then we can lay the gas on them.”
“They’ll rush out to deal with it.”
“Yea, we need for them to rush outside. We want them all out side.”
“Look a few of them may not come out, they still have to deal with their IGT.”
“So we go inside and stun them, what’s the big deal?”
“There’s still the possibility that some of them may escape. They do have a transporter here, maybe more than one. So yea, some of them may escape.”
“That’s really going to put a dent in our plans.”
“Hey first things first, we’ll deal with that when we get to it. Right now we have to gas them.”
“Okay then, let the fire works begin.”
“Yea, we’ll respond and tell them we’re coming to pick them up.”
“We can’t do that!”
“Well they get their message out, but they’re going to have to wait for a response.”
“Hey we’re right here, and we can respond right back, man.”
“No we can’t!”
“And why not!”
“He’s right! We forget they can’t get an immediate response. It doesn’t matter what language they use, or if we have a translator or not. If we respond right away they’ll know something’s up.”
“Yea the distance and their primitive device, if we get right back to them, they’ll know.”
“Remember they don’t know what’s coming, they don’t have a clue we’re here. They’re planning for the long haul. They’re going to send their message, and sit on it until they get a response.”
“Okay, so what do we do?”
“Let’s talk to Bullocks, clue him in, and let him and his people figure it out. We need to know before they send their message. That transmission will start the fire.”
“Say Yanis!” Doob blurted out as he picked up the communicator. He heard him, but at that very instant, the sweet voice of Bullock’s assistant responded.
“Cho Cha here!”
“This is Yanis, please let me talk to Bullocks.
“Hold on a sec!”
“Hey Yanis!” Doobiz blurted out again.
“Tell Bullocks to bring the BS!”
“Tell that dummy that I heard him Yanis.”
“Bullocks heard ya Doob!”
“Haw haw haw…tell him I meant the butter and salt.”
“Butter and salt,” Bullocks gasped.
“Yea…for the pop corn.”
“He hee heee…very funny Doob!”
“You Aranjaynions and your silly jokes,” he responded.
“No, no you don’t understand, sir.”
“Then enlighten me, please.”
“You of course know there’s a corn patch here. Well we need to set it on fire.”
“There are too many clones running around here, too many to count. They look like you, me, Doob, Ornious and just about everybody else. Then there are Merday, Pigu, Wankers, Toi Noun, Pen Day Hoes, Ton Culs, Buco del culo, and many others. Inside the labs there are too many to count too.
“So what does that have to do with the fire?”
“Sir, if we lay the gas on them we won’t get them all. We’ll just get the damned clones outside.”
“So the fire is to get them all outside to deal with it. Then we lay the gas on them.”
“Smart thinking, Yanis!”
“Not me, sir. It’s Doob’s idea.”
“So I gather the corn is dry and will pop. Am I right?”
“He hee heee…tell Doob we’ll consider it.”
“He’s smiling sir.”
“Good so what do you want from me, I’m sure it’s not about my BS as he put it.”
“Well they had a dumb contest to decide where to send their message. The winner was Zee, and he’s a Merday. So they’re sending their SOS to Merday. Zoutious and Nookodubididy pulled it off somehow.”
“How did you find that out?’
“We’ve been monitoring them, and we know everything that’s going on in there. But we’re still at a quandary here.”
“Well Doob built this gizmo and connected it to the cable leading to their zouineer pole. He made the connection right in the middle of the corn patch. When they make their transmission, it will spark and set the patch on fire.”
“Yea, and they’ll come out like the roaches they are,” Doob interjected.
“Also when they send their message, Doob’s gizmo will bring it right to us. We were thinking of responding, you know make them believe they were successful. But Ornious points out that if we do, they’ll figure out something’s wrong. You know their crude primitive device and the distance don’t make for instant communications. They must know that. So, we believe they’re getting comfortable. They’re here for the long run, to wait for a response to their message. So if we answer they will know the jig is up. If we gas them, they may also figure it out and some may escape. It’s a given they have at least one transporter here, and maybe even several. So what do we do?
“How long before they send out their SOS?”
“How much time do we have guys,“ Yanis asked.
We looked at one another, smiled, and Doobiz closed his eyes to mull it over. Then he looked at me, I looked back at him and smiled. So he made a guesstimate, and said,
“Oh I say within the next thirty minutes, at least.”
“I heard that, let me get back to you in twenty…no make that fifteen. I want to run it by everyone here. Oh and did you find the device?”
“That’s right sir, we found it.”
“Well guys you heard him, we wait.”
“Yea, one way or another these dummies are getting gassed.”
“Ya got that right, man.”
Back at the Waldorf Bullocks Koinus, Con Yo, Dolian, and Alca Poo Ria sat around their round table like King Arthur and his knights as Bullocks explained the dilemma.
“Back in Ha Ju Ja we had a similar situation,” Alca Poo Ria remembered.
“Well a few murderous ass holes were holed up in a similar patch, and the officials set it on fire.”
“How did that turn out?’
“They were smoked! They decided to die rather than give up. The officials couldn’t even find their ashes. They were passionate political radicals. These people down there remind me of them, they’re passionate too. Methinks they’d rather die than be caught alive too.”
“Well maybe we should do the same sir, grant them their wish…let em burn,” Koinus added.
“Sounds good to me too sir,” Dolian smiled. Then he continued. “It’s their choice. Besides the minute Yanis calls we’re going to be right there on the scene. They’re not all going to escape, and the important thing is we get the IGT.”
“Yea we get the transmitter,” Bullocks agreed.
An eternity passed as we contemplated the situation. The dummies below could text Merday at any moment, but we had to sit and wait for Bullocks. The worst things in life sometimes is waiting for something to happen that is beyond your control. It’s tough looking at the time every few seconds, it seems as if time does stand still. Indeed galaxies move about the cosmos a lot faster. Suddenly the red light on his panel started blinking, and,
“Yes sir,” He responded.
“We’ve decided the minute the corn starts to pop, you let loose the gas. We’re ready here at the transporters. When the fire starts you call me back, and our guys will come in to round them up.
“Okay then, great, we’re just sitting here waiting for the fire.”
“How big is the device?”
“It’s huge, sir, and takes up half a room.”
“Can you disable it?”
“Then do so as soon as you can, and let us know.”
“How do we handle the escapees?”
“Oh we got enough information from our interviews to know where most of these people live. As we speak we have teams going to their homes to meet them the minute they show up. As for any that elude us, well they can run but they can’t hide. We’ll get them sooner or later. All you have to do is gas them, and disable the IGT. If you run into any of them, remember to stun them. We want them all alive.”
“Maybe some good will come of this,” Doobiz interjected.
“How so,” Bullocks responded.
“Well maybe we can fine tune their IGT, perhaps they found a way to get it done that we haven’t.”
“Oh no doubt! We want to take a good long look at it. So try and not to damage it too much if you can help it.”
“You can count on us, sir.”
“Okay then, we’ll be waiting for your call. See you later.”
Right after we ended our chat, the transmitter started broadcasting Nokodubididy’s Merday message.
“Basically it’s an SOS, guys” I translated, and continued. “It’s short, precise, to the point. It’s not addressed to anybody in particular. It’s pretty much to whom ever receives this message. It says I’m Dupal Nookodubididy, and I’m with Jukio Zoutious. We crashed on the third Orb of a system in the Nizal Quadrant. It’s the one with nine orbs orbiting the yellow star. The Qwabal is in the Nebulous Galaxy. We’re stranded and need immediate assistance. Please respond as soon as possible. Then there was a sizzling sound, and a second later I spotted the smoke rising from the corn patch. Then with the biggest smile on my face I blurted out,
“FIRE! Look it’s started.”
“He hee heee…I hope Bullocks brings his BS!” Doobiz responded.
“Look guys the traitors are running out of the buildings.”
“Yea, they look like cockroaches running away from the light.
The patch was on fire. Zoutious, Nookodubidy and their cronies were screaming and running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
“Nook what do we do?”
“Oh damn it! We weren’t expecting this, we aren’t prepared for it,” he responded.
“So we just let it burn?” Putatana asked.
“What about the air?” Pigu added.
“Oh, don’t worry. The smoke will rise up through the vents.”
“Do you think anybody will notice up on top?”
“Maybe, if they do they’ll think it’s volcanic.” Pigu responded.
“It won’t affect us…it was an accident. It’s possible an animal wandered in there and chewed up the cable. When we sent our message it sparked and set this dried patch on fire.” Putana mused.
“That maybe but it doesn’t matter, the important thing is our message went out.”
“Hey we gots popcorn,” Ton Cul mused spreading out his open hands as you do to catch snow flakes.
“We need a little salt and butter,” Pen Day Hoe from Essay laughed.
“Shouldn’t we be trying to put this out,” Bond demanded.
“Be my guess old man,” Nookodubididy responded as he pointed at it with his open hand.
From where we were they looked like a bunch of students at a bonfire. They were arguing as they watched the spectacle. So we started flying back and forth over them, as Doobiz and I poured the gas over them. It vanished on contact with the air, and permeated the atmosphere, as it slowly descended upon their unsuspecting keisters. Like the sandman the gas slowly enveloped the landscape below, and within moments the livestock went off into dream land first.
“Look Nook,” the animals are falling down.
“It must be the smoke.”
“We must get inside.”
As they started running inside, they noticed the clones dropping like the livestock. They were falling like the villains in a Kung Fu movie.
“I don’t like this, Z.” Nook screamed above the noise.
“Let’s go find the gas masks.”
The two of them ran into the building looking for the masks. The rest followed behind them, and as soon they entered the building they ran into Sek si.
“Don’t bother, they’re gone!” He screamed.
“What’s gone?” Zoutious demanded.
“The gas masks,” he responded.
“That’s not possible.”
“Oh but it is, and so’s the gas.”
“Those drums weigh over two hundred pounds, that can’t be. Did you look in the right room.”
“Be my guess, show me where they are,” he screamed back.
Nookodubididy and Zoutious ran right into the room Sek si had just come out of, and found the drums gone. No masks, no gas.
“Something’s not right here people,” Nookodubididy screamed and continued, “There were several drums here, weighing over two hundred pounds each, and there were gas masks too. They’re also gone! We need to get the hell out of here.” As he finished talking, he ran to the transporters followed by Zoutious, and the rest of them. They left like rats abandoning a sinking ship, they were leaving their base.
“How are we ever going to find out if we got through to Merday,” Pigu whined.
“We’ll worry about that later right now we need to get the hell out of here.” Zoutious responded.
“Cho Cha here, who is this?”
“Tell Bullocks to bring the BS!” Yanis responded.
“He knows! Just tell him we have pop corn.”
No sooner had Yanis finished talking with Cho Cha did Bullock’s galactic swat team showed up. They appeared out of thin air all over the site almost at once, and spread through out the area covering the entire site. Dressed in shinning black helmets with gleaming visors, they spread out. The black helmets they wore reflected the flames on their visors, and it seemed as if their heads were on fire. They wore skin tight, black thermal wear, in case the transporters erred and landed them on the surface. Armed with lasers set to stun, they looked like storm troopers out of an apocalyptic future. They marched across the field in their black German jack boots, firing their lasers, and stunning everybody in sight. The lasers emitted an ultra blue light that spread out at one hundred and twenty degrees. Anybody bathe in its light was immediately stunned, and sent for a short nap. From our ship we could see all the activity below. We knew the culprits were inside the buildings, and only the clones were outside.
“Yanis!” The open transmitter blurted out.
“Yes sir,” Bullocks responded, and continued, “We’re down here but tell Doob we forgot the BS.”
“He hee heee…he’s smiling and he got your message, sir.”
“Where did Zook and Nook go, which building?”
“The middle one sir, it’s also where the IGT is located. It’s on the bottom floor. It may also be where their transporters are too.”
Bullocks led his team into the building and as they ran into the disgruntled, they sent them for a nap. When they ran into the room, the IGT was still humming, but it was empty. No people and no transporters.
“Yanis!” The transmitter screamed.
“We’re here with the IGT, but there aren’t any transporters here. We stunned a bunch of them, but we don’t know where the damned transporters are.
“Sir, we never found them, we were going to go down there after we gassed them. But you beat us to the punch. The transporters are in that building, they have to be, it’s where
they all went.”
“Guys scour the building and get these people. They’re here!” We heard Bullocks scream at his people.
“Sir, we’ll be right down.”
“Come on down we need all the help we can get.”
Up on the second floor they were rushing into the transporters one after the other. Zoutious and Nookodubididy were first, followed by Jokid, Ton Cul, Bond, Pigu, Dan Che, Toid, Sheeba, Ketsunoana, Khon Yo, and Ma Mau. When Bullock’s people stormed the room it was crowded. But some of the above had long been gone. The guys swept the room with their stunning light and soon they were all in a heap on the floor in deep slumber.
“Sir, we stopped them but the leaders are long gone,” Koinus responded.
“So who do you have up there?”
“A bunch of disgruntled minions methinks.”
“Hell, they must know something.”
“We’ll have to wait for them to wake up.”
“Then prepare them for a trip to the moon. We’re going to interview every last one of them up there.
At that moment Yanis and I showed up.
“What’s up, sir?”
“Nook and Zook are long gone all we have are their cronies.
“At least we have the IGT.”
“True, but we need to get those kooks.”
“I thought you had people at the other end waiting for them.”
“We do but, those two smart asses may have prepared themselves for this moment. They had to know that it was a probability if not a possibility. They had to be ready for it, so in that case they may not have gone back home. They may have a transporter in another location. We need to find it.”
“Then we need to ransack their home, there must be a lead there somewhere.”
“One thing, though.”
“Jokid was probably sent to the other side, his molecules…his essence must be floating around in the ether, lost forever never being able to go home.”
“Remember we disabled his transporter.”
“Yea right, he had to fly down.”
“So he’ll probably spend eternity at his daughters wedding.”
“Well maybe not, at some point he’ll realize he’s dead. Perhaps the divine doors will open for him, and he’ll face the justice at the last judgment we all will face someday.
“That’s a thought, but we’ll never know.”
“He hee heee…so maybe he’ll be happy there for ever.”
“Maybe not! We’re assuming this because we disabled his transporter, but…” Doobiz blurted out then paused.
“But what,” I interjected.
“Well he wasn’t or isn’t stupid. He knew that so maybe he went with the kooks. He may still be here somewhere.”
“Then we need to find him too.”
“Well we can’t just forget about ever catching him, we need to concentrate on Nook an Zook. Find them and we’ll find him too. That is our focus right now.”
“Ya got any clues, any idea where they may have gone?”
“Well the kooks lived in South America for a long time. Buenos Aires as a matter of fact! We know where they were last. We can start there. The others may not be as cunning and so we have a chance of catching them at their homes. We’ll soon know how many of them we have. At this moment we have Putana, Khon Yo, Ma Mau, and Toid. You know Pen Day Hoes and Essays aren’t too smart, we got them too. It kind of makes you wonder how they ever mastered space travel. They were trying to get into a transporter when our guys ran into the room.”
“How are they?”
“At the moment they’re probably having a grand time back home…in a sweet fantasy.”
“He hee hee, I should have known,” Doobiz responded.
“Yea Doob that was a no brainer, man,” I added.
“But man, I sure would have loved to have seen the look on their faces when they were busted.”
“So Bullocks, sir…did you really forget the BS?”
“Sorry bout that Doob…Not!”
The next morning on the moon, as we were about to see Bullocks, My transmitter started to vibrate.
“Were you guys having a party down there?
“Let me read this to you in this morning’s Mountain News. South Pole, Antarctica- Scientist at the pole, are at a loss, unable to explain an incredible aroma. A bouquet of fresh popcorn is permeating the air, and they don’t know its source. They have tested the air and confirmed it definitely has an essence of corn in it. They believe it’s coming from under the permafrost. Some seem bewildered, and are walking around with wide smiles on their faces. One said it reminded him of his teenage visits to the movies. The aroma was all over the theater because everybody had a barrel of pop corn. He said at first there was a light smoke rising from beneath the permafrost. It just suddenly came up. We believed it was volcanic in nature, but then the scent of pop corn was everywhere. Your guess is as good as ours. We think Ripley and the Aliens are heating up popcorn down below. What do you think?”
“So were you guys cooking pop corn?”
“Thanks for the heads up, it’s a long story. I have to let Bullocks know. So I’ll call you later,” I responded and I ended the call.
“What’s up Orn?” Yanis asked.
“That bouquet of pop corn was discovered by the local explorers down there. It’s in the papers. Gloria just called to ask if we were having a party down there.”
“What did it say?”
“She said scientist are bewildered and don’t know how to explain it. But they have tested the air and have confirmed that it definitely has an essence of corn.”
“I was afraid this might have come about.” Doobiz blurted out as he entered the room.
“Well let’s see what Bullocks thinks.” Yanis responded.
“What do I think about what,” Bullocks responded as he walked into the room behind Doobiz.
“Gloria just called to let me know that the essence of pop corn down there rose to the surface, and the locals don’t know what to make of it.”
“Oh let it be, there are many things that can never be explained. Let it be one of them. We’ve done that before, Roswell, Tunguska, Nazca and many others. Let them added this one to the list too, they’ll never figure it out. That base is a mile down, and they don’t have the toys to probe that deep.”
“Yea, let them scratch their heads,” Doobiz added.
“Yes we have bigger fish to fry.”
“Can we get anything out of the clones?”
“No, as we suspected they are clueless. They were there mainly to confuse us and to do the menial labor.”
“How about the others,” I asked.
“We have a couple of dozen of them and Koinus and his guys are interviewing them as we speak. The big deal though is the IGT. They left it intact, and our guys are giving it the once over. If the jouniquiem turns out be the real thing, we’ll power the IGT, and
send our S.O.S.
“He took off a moment ago his ship was on top of his building.” Koinus explained.
“I thought he might. But not to worry, mine’s faster. We built ours, and his was probably put together at a garage somewhere. I know they aren’t working with our cutting edge gear. We can go into orbit and be there in a couple of hours.”
“Yea but you can’t get there before he does. You need to follow him, so that you can get in the hanger with him- at the same time!”
“No problem, we can wait for him, besides we have a tracer on him. That will give us time to scout it out, and find the mag pole. We’re on top of this.”
“Yea, that may be but we don’t know if he can do the same Yanis.”
“Well our ship’s on top of the building. We’re out of here!” He ended his talk with Koinus, and blurted out, “That was Koinus guys. And that creep just took off, we don’t have time to buy anything, we gotta go. Now!”
“Just go into the gift shop, get the water. I have a few things on board, be quick.”
“Meet you on the roof guys,” Doobiz responded and ran down the stairs to save time.
The elevator came just as Doobiz ran down the stairs, we stepped in and Yanis’ face lit up.
“What’s up Yanis?”
“Man, I just had this idea, what if we had a gas, something we could drop on them assholes. Then we wouldn’t have to zap or stun anybody, right.”
“Yea, actually we do,” I responded.
“Really!” He blurted out, then asked, as his lips twisted into a wry smile, “Where?”
“I believe we have some down there, but we better ask Bullocks. He would know for sure.”
“Then let’s call him,” he responded as he grabbed his cell. The elevator arrived on the top floor and we headed for the stairs to the roof.
While we were going on about the gas, Doobiz was downstairs at the gift shop. He was a little more than anxious as he grabbed a few bottles of iced tea. Water was the last thing we needed, it gave us a buzz. So he bought the energizing tea instead. He was short on time and it made him anxious. So he nervously looked around to see if he should get anything else. As he did so, he attracted the attention of two dumb security, guards who where standing nearby. He decided he didn’t want anything else, paid for his items and ran to the elevators. They decided to follow him, but he got to the elevator first, and the doors closed right in front of them. They ran up the stairs, stopping at each floor to see if he got out. They continued up the stairs after him, all the way up to the top floor. They got there huffing and puffing just as he turned the corner,
“You!” They yelled, but he didn’t hear them and ran for the stairs.
He didn’t and they ran after him. When Doobiz opened the door to the roof, Yanis’ ship was right in front of him with the door open.
“Hurry up Doob, we gotta go!”
He jumped in as the guards opened the door. They appeared just in time to see him inside. Then as the gleaming silver ship rose into the early morning sun, it suddenly vanished.
“Oh shit!” The short one screamed as he pulled out his Gat and started shooting at it. His partner followed suit and they fired a hail of bullets in to the sky.
“Wa wa wa was dat?”
“Oh shit! How’s we gon splain diz, uh” The other responded.
“Oh man, oh man…Oh mama,” the short one cried as his eyes filled with tears.
“D R O P your weapons!”
A police helicopter’s bull horn screamed at them. A moment later a swat team flooded the roof, and one screamed, “Get down on the floor- Now!”
As they put them in handcuffs, the short one whined,
“Da Z, it was a Z a Z! The short one whimpered.
“What’s he talking about,” the detective asked the short one’s partner.
“It was aliens, sir. ALIENS!” He screamed.
“Aliens!” The cop exclaimed.
“Haw haw haw!” The cops cracked up, but the two security guars weren’t laughing.
“Yea, Aliens! It was a shinning silver ship, and it had a big gold Z on its side.”
“Well, where is it?”
“It va va va…
“Vanished!” The other completed his pal’s sentence.
“Vanished, uh…I think you assholes were smoking crack up here, uh.”
“No no it was ALIENS I tells ya!”
“Aliens, uh…okay youse cracked up Trekies let’s go,” and New York’s finest led them away.
“Yanis we’ve been exposed,” I blurted out.
“What was that Doob?” Yanis asked.
“I don’t know I just ran up the stairs and into the ship.”
“Well it looks like two security guards led an army of New York’s finest up after you.”
“We better let Bullocks know about it.”
“Not to worry, I don’t think they saw anything. Those two dummies saw us, but really who is going to believe them.”
“They’re probably going to be the laughing stock of the hotel, and they’ll be making fun of their asses at the precinct too.”
“He hee heee…yea, them poor suckers. But we should tell Bullocks just the same. They’re going to do test on them, and when they find they weren’t on drugs or inebriated they will do some investigating. Maybe even interview our people. So yea, Bullocks should get a heads up.”
“Yea, I guess we should.”
So just to be on the save side, Yanis called Bullocks.
“Yes,” Cho Cha answered.
“This is Yanis let me speak with Bullocks, please.”
“Just a moment,” there was a pause, then, “Yes Yanis.”
“A couple of things sir, I… sir, we were exposed”
“How is that again?”
“Well, my ship was on the roof, two hotel security guards followed Doob up, and saw the ship.”
“What happened then, did you stun them?”
“No, no. We were ascending as they burst unto the scene, and when they saw us they started shooting at us. We were out of their reach, and at that moment we vanished right before their eyes.”
“Haw haw haw…security guards, uh.”
“Look nobody is going to believe those dummies, man. Don’t worry about it.”
“Just the same a swat team showed up, and…
“Did they see you?”
“So don’t worry about it.”
“Sir when they test them and find them drug free, and not inebriated they will investigate, they may even want to interview you.”
“Don’t worry about it. If we need to we’ll strap the investigators into the chair and reprogram them. So what was the second item you wanted to know about?”
“Well, I know that dummy is in the air at the moment, but I was wondering if we have some kind of knock out gas. Something we can drop over them…knock them all out.”
“Hummm…I believe we do, but it would take time to get it to you.”
“Wait a minute!”
“It’s on the moon, and we don’t have the time to get it.”
“I feel your pain.”
“That would have saved us a lot of trouble.”
“Sir!” Con Yo interjected.
“Hold on a moment Yanis”
“I believe there are a few barrels of that gas down there. They’re in big Red 30 gallon drums. Three of them would knock everybody out. There are gas masks too. They’re all down there in the same lab. We had them in case explorers ever found us. But we never got the chance to use them. I believe they’re functional. When they wake up, they’ll be in a state of amnesia that last several hours.”
“Do you know exactly where they are?”
“I’ll have to go over the maps, and get back to you.”
“Then get on it and get back to me as fast as you can.”
“Yanis, good luck, we have some, but…it’s down there.”
“That is good news…do you know where?”
“Con Yo is on it, he’s going to get back to us. He’ll find out where it is and as soon as he does, I’ll get it to you.”
“So should we wait?”
“No, no no, get in the air. Now!”
“We are in the air sir, as we speak.”
“Then when he has the details I’ll get back to you. All I know now is that it’s in one of
the labs. They may not even know it’s there. So all you need do is spread it out. Maybe it
would be best to dump it out over them.”
“We’ll figure it out, sir.”
“Get going already, Jokid has been in the air for twenty minutes already.”
“Talk to you later then,” he responded, ended the call and turned around with a big smile.
“Whats up,” Doobiz asked.
“We may have some knock out gas.”
“That is awesome, man.” I smiled.
“How do we get it, do we have to meet Bullocks somewhere?”
“No, no it’s down there already.”
“Wait, wait a minute, I remember that gas. I went down there a few years ago, before those kooks took it over. We pretty much were there to check the place out. I was told the gas was to be used in case some of the local people, the explorers, ever found us. It was to be used on them.”
“So you know where it is?”
“Oh yea, and I know where the gas masks are too. Get down there with Jokid. We need to enter the hanger at the same time with him.”
Just then a yellow light on his panel started blinking.
“There he is!” Yanis blurted out.
“Where, I can’t see him.”
“He’s just ahead in stealth mode, remember we can’t afford to be seen. But we got him! We’ll be there with him, so let him be comfortable. He’s going back to his daughters wedding real soon…again.”
“He hee hee…haw haw haw,” the three of us cracked up.
We followed Jokid in silence contemplating our next move. Suddenly Doobiz spread his lips in a wide grin. He was zoned into another dimension, when,
“Doob what’s up, man?”
“What, what,” he responded.
“What’s on your mind,” I asked him.
“Yanis what kind of stuff do you have in the back.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Won’t know till I see what you have back there?”
“Knock yourself out, man.”
After a few moments of rummaging in the back,
“Wow! You have a regular radio shack here, uh.”
So we left him alone to tinker, and continued our watch over Jokid, as his journey progressed south. Almost an hour later Doobiz screamed,
“Mamazaba! Oh yea Mamazaba!”
“What mamazaba what,” we responded in unison.
“I got it guys, I got it!”
“This here baby, man,” he pointed at a gizmo in his hand.
“What doe is it do,” I wanted to know.
“Bro, this baby here is a life saver. All we got to do is connect it to the cables leading up to the mag pole. I won’t have to go up top to find the damned thing. When they send their message it will come to us, right here, and we respond to what ever they want.”
“That is way cool, but…”
“We don’t know what language they’re going to be using,” Yanis responded and continued,
“But hey, I speak Whanker, Putana, and Pigu.”
“Me too, I can speak a few of them…Yea, I’m fluent in Toi Noun, Pendayhoe, and
Dummbatz,” I added.
“Hey guys, I speak Merday, Ketsunoana, and Kara Ho.”
“Damn, haw haw haw…he hee heee,” I craked up.
“What’s so funny Orniz?”
“We don’t need to speak any of those tongues!” I laughed.
“And why not!”
“Duh! Can you say t r an s l a t or,” I responded very slowly with a big smile.
“Ome kaka! Haw haw haw,” Yanis respond.
By that time we were over the frozen no man’s land as we continued to follow Jokid. Yanis descended and silently flew over the white glaze below. We were near the South Pole when the ice opened up and swallowed Jokid. We followed him down, and the ice above closed behind us.
“It’s a mile down guys,” Yanis announced.
When the shaft opened up to the cave below, we couldn’t believe our eyes. The place was humongous. It was almost as wide as it was long, and it was almost as high as it was wide, truly it was longer than three football fields long.
“Can you believe this?” Yanis blurted out.
“I’ve been here before but I really don’t remember it being this gigantic,” Doobiz responded.
“Me too and I’m almost overwhelmed,” I added.
“We’re going to fly over and check things out. See if we can spot those cables, and then land near the labs.” Yanis explained as he flew over the base.
We flew over the cornfield, which was about the size of a small farm. Doobiz tried to count he livestock, but they kept moving, so he gave up on it because it wasn’t important. He noticed the ditch around the corn patch. It was a moat about three feet deep to keep the animals out. It also irrigated the corn patch, as it flowed from the creek running by the side of one wall. Then it ran down
and forked around one side of the patch and around the other side. The two sides met at the shorter end, merged and flowed back into the creek. It then disappeared into the ground at the other end by the shaft. Close to the shaft there was an open clearing with several ships on it. By the side of the field there were three small one story buildings.
“Hey those are the labs down there,” Doobiz pointed.
“Cool, we’ll land behind the one in the middle.
“Hey what if one of the clones walks into it?”
“Don’t worry, when we land, I’ll raise it a few yards. We’ll be okay.”
“Okay then, when we get on the ground, I’ll go find the cables and attached this baby, but first I need to make a few changes here. So let me do that first, then we’ll go do this.”
“Cool, then Yanis and I will go get the gas. They’re only about thirty gallons each, so we should be able to get them on board with out any body being the wiser.”
“Hey guys, what if…”
“We can’t just start spilling gas like that.”
“And why not?”
“Well if those bozos are all inside they’re going to see their clones falling down all over the place.”
“You got a point there Doob!”
“Yea, and don’t forget the animals, they’re going to drop like Zombies in a Rodriguez flick.
“It doesn’t matter as long as they all drop.”
“Yea, you got that right!”
We were silent for a while as Doobiz adjusted the ship’s communicator. Then just as he finished, he had a wide grin on his face, again. He looked at us and,
“I got it guys!”
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
“I’m finished here. By the time you two finish with the gas, I should be finished with this here gizmo on the cable. We’ll wait until they send their message, then we’ll respond and let them think they were successful.”
“Yea, let them celebrate a while. For sure they’re going to be jumping for joy, and doing their little dance.”
“He hee heee…yea, let them do their happy boochie dance.”
“Yea, while they’re doing that we’ll set that corn patch on fire,” Doob exclaimed.
“Are you crazy?”
“No, no no, I follow you Doob. Great idea, man!”
“Yea, I’m going to run some of that cable by the corn patch. They’ll think it was their transmission that caused it.”
“That’s the coolest, man. Oh, yea!
“What are you guys talking about?”
“Think for a moment Yanis, it’ll come to you.”
He smiled, and “Oh yea! When they come out to deal with it the fire, we hit them with the gas. Let’s just hope all of them come out.”
“Don’t worry it takes the gas about ten minutes to take effect. By that time we should be inside the labs, and it won’t matter how many of them are inside. We’ll stun their asses, take their gizmo, and zap it if we can’t take it.”
“I think we’re just going to have to disable it.”
“Yea I believe it’s a huge device,” Doobiz added.
“So no matter what happens or how it goes, we call Bullocks. I’ll figure out how to open up the place for him, and let him deal with them. By the time they wake up, Bullocks will be here to greet them with a big smile.”
“What if any of those ass holes escape,” Doobiz asked.
“Hey, we know who they are. They can run, but they can’t hide, we’ll find them no matter where they go. They can’t go anywhere, and the only wedding that mofo is going to is in his freaking dreams.”
“Well I’m finished here, so…let’s doodiz!”
I reached out with my opened hand, Doobiz put his on top, Yanis followed, and blurted out
“Yea, let’s doodiz!” Then together we exclaimed,
Yanis floated his ship over the middle building and descended a couple of yards behind it. At the same time we turned on our maguns, smiled at one another, vanish and jumped unto the ground. Then Yanis pointed his remote at it, and floated it back up a few yards.
“Nobody’s going to run into it now.” He exclaimed.
Doobiz walked off behind the buildings, he figured the IGT had to be in one of them, and the cables would lead out from it. As he did that Yanis and I walked around the building where we found dozens of clones walking around. Some looked like Doobiz, others like me and Yanis, still others like Bullocks and just about everybody else.
“Damn, this is the most unnerving…” Yanis whispered.
“You can say that again, I expected some to look like us. But it’s like we’re a part of triplets, heck quintuplets. We’re in a freaking nightmare, man.”
“It’s disturbing, man.”
“Hey that’s cool, that means we can get out of the mag, man.” He responded as we reappeared.
“Yea but they’re dressed in those orange coveralls, and we’re in regular clothes.”
“So, let’s find a couple of them, stun em, and peel em.”
“He hee…orange you funny!”
As I said that, we spied a team working by the corn patch. They looked like Conyo and Alky, and Yanis whispered,
“Well, well, well…lookey here Orniz.”
When we got close to them they saw us, one approached Yanis, and asked,
“What can we do for you, sir?”
Yanis smiled at me, and responded.
“We need your help!”
“Do you know where the gas drums are?”
“Sure! You mean the KO gas in the red drums, right.”
“Yes, the very ones.”
“What do you want us to do?”
“We need you to bring them over behind the middle building.”
“How long will it take you to get them over there…half hour an hour?”
“How many do you want?”
“All of them,” I responded.
“Okay and how long will that take you?”
“A half hour,” He responded, and asked, “May we ask why you want them there now?”
“Z thinks we may get raided and wants to be ready.”
“You know he hates to be called Z, right.”
“Screw that ass hole,” I smiled.
“Yea, some of us feel kind of like that too, sometimes…he hee heee.”
“Haw haw haw,” Yanis joined in, and suddenly the four of us were like old pals in a joyous guffaw.
“We’ll get right to it.”
“We may or may not see you later, but please I don’t want to hear Z’s BS over this. If I do then you’ll hear it from us.”
“Not to worry, twenty minutes tops. It’s a piece of cake.”
“Later then,” I waved as we headed back to the middle building.
“Wow piece of cake indeed, he hee heee, we won’t have to look for the freaking drums.”
“Better yet, we won’t have to be lifting them either. Yea, and come to think of it, those freaking drums are heavy, man.”
“Yea, they’re about two hundred pounds each.”
“Cool, so now we can concentrate on finding that damned IGT.”
When we entered the building Yanis whispered, “We better vanish we don’t know what we’ll find here.”
I pointed up to the stairs, smiled and together we vanished. On the second floor we found Merdays, and Pigus with Jokid, Zoutious, Nookodubididy and others. They were all running around like chickens with their heads cut off. They were screaming and laughing and running from one room to another. We walked among them and realized they were preparing to make their decision on where to send their message.
“The storm has reached us gentlemen, and in a couple of hours it will be in full force. Then we’ll need to make our transmission,” Nookodubidity announced.
“It’s about time!”
“People we are going H O M E,” someone yelled.
They were celebrating, their time had come and they were relieved to be at last going back home.
“Good for them,” Yanis whispered as he tapped my back. Then we went back down the stairs. We continued to the basement and walked around from one room to the other. But all we found was abandoned equipment stored in boxes and crates. Then as we were about to abandon the building, we heard a humming noise. When we opened the door, we found several people walking around a huge stainless cube. It took up half the room, it had many dials, and all kinds of colored LED lights blinking. There were all kinds of wires leading to several different consoles in the middle of the room. There was also a large cable running up a wall and into a hole that obviously went outside.
“Amazab, Orniz,” Yanis whispered, and continued, “Let’s go.”
“Yea that’s it alright,” he responded, and together we left the room.
“We need to meet up with Doob, let’s hope he did what he had to do. These bozos are going to use their IGT in a few hours.”
“We need to be back in our ship before they do.”
“He hee hee?”
“What’s so funny?”
“We know and they don’t know we know.”
When we reached the back of the building the two clones were there waiting for us.
“So do you want us to leave them here?”
“Oh no,” Yanis exclaimed as he pointed his remote at the ship, made it appear and land. Then he continued, “You need to put it in Z’s ship.
“Then we’re finished,” I added.
“Boy, he must really believe we’re getting raided.
“Yea, he wants to be ready.”
“That egomaniac,” one of them exclaimed.
“Why do you say that,” I asked.
“Well look at him, nobody’s ever going to see his stupid, ship…and he has his initial on it.”
“Yea he’s an asshole isn’t he?” Yanis smiled.
“Haw haw haw!” We responded.
Again the four of us chortled with loud guffaws as they loaded the gas on the ship. Then when they were finished,
“Gentlemen, we thank you,” I extended my hand.
First one then the other shook my hand, and added, “Any time, sir,” and they left. Once
the clones were out of sight, we climbed aboard, went into stealth and waited for Doobiz.
When he landed Zoutious was there to greet him.
“Took you long enough,” he blurted out.
“The damndest thing happened, the transporter didn’t work. I haven’t used it in a while, but I checked everything over several times, and it still didn’t work. All the dials worked and the lights were blinking but nothing happened.”
“The hell with it, we’ll check it out another time. At least you’re here. Nook’s very anxious and wants to get this show on the road. Everybody else is here too, and you’re the last piece to this project.”
As they walked to the labs they argued about why he should be checking his equipment every once in a while. They argued back and forth to the front of the building, and up the stairs where Nookodubididy was waiting for them. The minute they greeted each other Yanis turned on his VDM, a video monitor recording device, and we were able to see and hear everything.
“Finally, uh,” Nookodubididy greeted Jokid.
“Hey I’m here.”
“Yea, we need to make a decision on where to send our message.” He explained as they
followed him into one of the rooms. There waiting around to get things started were a few dozen people from Pigu, Merday, Ton Cul, Toi Noun, Essay, Kara Ho, and Wanker.
“Alright! Finally…hurray! Whoopie doo!”
Bogus cheers filled the room, so Jokid bowed regally, and smiled at every one as he waved his arms up in the air. Then responded,
“Thank you, thank you my peeps,” with a big dumb smiled.
There was a simple basket sitting on a table in the middle of the room. Nookodubididy, and Zoutious stood behind it and addressed the crowd.
“Guys, there’s no scientific way to resolved this, so we’re going to copy the creatures here. We want you to write your name or world on a piece of paper and put it in this basket. Then we’re going to shake it, and pick one out. It will be the destination of our message.”
“Oh yea, and who is going to do the picking…You?”
They became agitated and started arguing with one another about who should do the picking. They truly didn’t trust each other. All through out the project, building the IGT, and setting up the mag pole, they were an organized team, working like a well oiled machine. But now at the most important moment, they became like the people at the tower of Babble. Suddenly Zoutious grabbed a piece of chalk and drew a large circle in the middle of the floor. Everybody stood back and watched him work. What the hell did he have in mind they wondered? When he finished the large circle, he drew a smaller one inside it, and then another and still another.
“Damn, Z, that looks like a freaking target.”
“First, don’t call Z! I don’t like it. Second, you’re a freaking genius…it is a freaking target.”
“So what’s it for?”
“Look obviously we don’t trust each other on this right!”
“Yes indee dee!”
“Ya got that right!”
“Well how about this. Instead of putting all of our choices in the basket, why not we throw them into the target? Who ever gets closest to it or hits it dead center wins!”
“Damn Z, that’s outrageous!” Bond responded.
“Yea but there’s no way to cheat, is there?” Ton Cul smiled.
“Okay you got that part right, but who goes first and where do we stand,” Dan Che asked.
“Really pal, does it matter who goes first, and as for where to stand,” he smiled as he walked to the door. He stopped at the threshold, turned around, faced them and continued, “How about from right here, uh? You just flip it, roll it, throw it, sling it, shoot it…do what ever you want.”
They were silent for a while as they nodded their heads and calmly discussed it. Some smiled as they agreed, and others shook hands, then they were silent again. Then Dan Che looked around, smiled, and said,
“Z it looks like we agree to your brilliant strategy.” Then he continued, “Z’s the man, lets go with it.”
“Yea, yea, yea!”
“Zee‘s the man, let’s do it!”
“Right on Z!”
He was so angry he was sure steam was coming out of his ears. He hated to be called Z, but they not only agreed with his scheme, they were calling it brilliant. So he just stood there, smiled, and as he opened his outstretched hands, asked “So who goes first?”
“How about you go first,” Dan Che joyfully suggested.
“Yea let him go first,” someone else agreed.
They all started to scream, “Zee, Zee, Zee’s the man, let him go first!”
As angry as he was, he couldn’t help himself, and smiled. They were honoring him, so he went to the table and ripped off a sheet of paper from a spiral notebook. He scribbled a large Z on it with a big black magic marker. Then he took it and crumbled it up into a small ball as he walked to the door. He turned around, and stood there at the threshold for a moment. Then imagining himself to be Mikie Jordan, he smiled, and jumped up on his left foot. He imitated Jordan’s hook shot to the basket. Everybody was quiet, you could hear the proverbial pin drop, if it were to drop. Their eyes were glued to the little ball of paper as it slowly floated through the air. It landed inside just beyond the larger circle, and rolled to just outside of the dead center circle. It rocked and rolled, back and forth for an interminably long second. Then it settled there like a golf ball, but just inside the edge of the circle. Damn that’s going to be hard to beat, he proudly thought to himself.
“Wow! Way cool shot Z.” Dan Che blurted out.
“Lucky, lucky divo,” Ma Mau from Ha Ju Ya, added.
After him Ma Mau pretended to dribble the ball to the paint, he smiled, he was having fun. He slid his arse to the threshold, turned around, and looked at everybody again. Then he choked as he flung his ball to the target. His ball flew way over the target to the other side and bounced off the wall.
“Home run!” Mari Kon from Essay shouted.
Ma Mau smiled, shrugged his shoulders, and responded,
“Everybody ain’t no Mickey Jay, uh.”
“Looky hea divo, let me show ya how it’s done, man.” Mari Kon smiled as he hip hopped to the door. He was overly cautious and he gingerly flung his missile to the target. Then he frowned as he realized he hadn’t used enough force, and watched it land several feet from the outer circle.
“What do we do with those two clowns?” Yanis asked with a smile.
“Let’s just see what we’re up against down there, sabotage their device if you can. Don’t harm anybody. Let us know what you’re up against and do what you can so we can raid the place.”
“What about Jokid?” I asked.
“At this very moment we have people meeting him in the city. They’re bringing him here. We’re going to program him, and send him to Zoutious and Nookodubididy. You can follow him.”
“How? He may have a craft or he may have a transporter. If it’s a transporter we’re out of luck.” I responded.
“Those are good points, but right now our people are in his apartment. If he has a transporter, we’ll soon know. So if he does, well program him to bring you up for a drink. He’ll believe you’re a part of his group, and you can go with him down there. If he has a ship, we’ll program him to fly there, and you can follow him. Meanwhile you just need to be ready to go. One way or the other we’re going down there today.”
“Sounds good!” Doobiz exclaimed.
“So we have a plan at last,” Yanis added.
“Yea,” I nodded my head in agreement, and gave them a thumps up.
“Yes we do guys, yes we do,” Bullocks smiled.
“That dumb ass Jokid played me, and he even told me where his group was. I guess he was fishing. He wanted to know what I knew about Doob. Perhaps he was suspicious of the jouniquiem, maybe he thought Yanis told me about it. It’s all moot now, but at the time I didn’t know anything. Good thing I played stupid. Now we got him and know exactly where his people are, and what they’re planning.”
At that moment Bullocks was called to the back, a few seconds later he returned with a frown on his face.
“What’s up, sir,” I asked.
“We have another problem guys.”
“What’s that sir,” Yanis asked.
“We just found out there’s a super solar storm on the way, it will be here in three days. Well, actually…two days because this one’s already gone. They must be planning to use the storm to power their IGT.”
“Yes, it will generate the power they need, and perhaps mask its out put too.”
“That damned Jokid,” I muttered out loud.
“Yea, well at least he won’t be calling you this morning. In a short while he’ll be strapped in that chair, and we’re going to have a lot more information. Trust me!” He replied, and continued, “Right now we need to study the base’s lay out. We need to know what you’ll be up against.”
At that very moment Alca Pooh Ria, Dolian and Conyo were outside Jokid’s door.
“Remember guys we just want to stun him, okay.” Conyo whispered with a nod as he looked at his guys. Then he pointed his laser at the key hole and zapped the door lock. The beam surgically entered the keyhole and melted away the mechanism. They looked around to be sure the hallway was clear, then Dolian and Alca Poo Ria pushed in the door. It silently opened and they quickly and quietly entered the room. They looked around, and Conyo motioned towards the bedroom. Jokid was getting ready to enter his transporter when Alca Pooh Ria fired his laser and stunned him. He never knew what hit him, he froze in mid motion. Conyo grabbed his cell and called, Bullocks.
“Cho Cha tell Bullocks we got him,” he smiled into the phone when Bullocks answered,
“Great!” There was a short pause then, he added: “Let Alky stay there and wait for me to call him back. You and Dolian can bring him over.”
“No problem he’ll be right over, we’re going to use his transporter, so be ready for him.”
When the transporter lit up, Koinus was there waiting to catch Jokid as he appeared. A few seconds later Dolian and Conyo followed him. Together they carried him over to the MDE, he was still in dream land when they strapped him into the chair. The light turned hot pink again, and Jokid continued to dream.
“Here we go sir, Jokid’s strapped in the chair,” Koinus announced as he entered the room waving the layout in the air.
“Okay we’re in business,” Doobiz responded.
Bullocks had several suites on the floor, and we went next door. It was set up like a war room. There was a large long table in the middle, and Koinus spread the lay out on it. The base was huge, more than three football fields long, almost as wide, and just as high as it was wide. There were several entrances. One of them, on the western hemisphere, was a huge hanger, where they could fly in and out.
“For sure this is where they would have their top surveillance.” Yanis pointed it out.
“Ummm…yea, yea!” We all agreed.
“There are also exists or entrances scattered around it,” Koinus pointed out.
“These are minor and they may not have anything there,” Doob added as his hand went around the map.”
“For sure Jokid knows the lay of the land,” Yanis exclaimed.
“Don’t worry guys, when Bullocks is finished with him we’re going to be in on it too.” Koinus smiled.
We continued to study the lay out, and in the center there were several areas that could house just about anything.
“These are living quarters,” Koinus explained as he pointed them out, and continued, “This area behind it is agricultural.”
“Yes the temperature below is almost tropical, and you can grow just about anything down there. There may be some animals roaming around too. When we departed we left quite a few of them, goats, sheep, some horses, steers, ducks and chickens. All domesticated animals. They could have survived, and have probably multiplied by now. There’s a creek running through on the eastern side, and for sure the corn would have survived too. It surrounds the patch as it runs from the creek to irrigate it. It’s a really big area.”
“Damn the place could be full of clones too,” Yanis observed.
“Indeed it may be,” Doobiz somberly added as he rubbed his chin.
“These units here, between the hangers and the living units are where the labs are. The device can’t be far from it.” Conyo explained.
“Where’s the power source, do you know?”
“Oh sure it’s right here,” he pointed to the opposite end, and continued, “It uses a form of jouniquiem. It’s an engine we rescued from the Russians, during Catherine II’s Polish wars. The Poles kept them busy and we lucked out, they gave us the opportunity we needed. It’s been there since we built the base.”
“It’s possibly unguarded- they don’t know we’re coming.” I observed.
“Way to go Orniz, surprise is our ally here. We should zap it up the minute we get there.” Doobiz added.
“Good thinking guys but we need Bullocks’ okay. Once we get more details from Jokid’s probe, we’ll be in a better position to make decisions.”
“Sounds good to me,” Yanis agreed.
“Yea we need to know how many clones they have, and exactly where the device is located. They must have a zouineer pole wired to it. They need solar mags,” Conyo remarked.
“If we take it down first, they’ll be alerted, they’ll know something’s amiss.”
“Yea, one of us will have to take it down,”
“Oh I’ll be more than happy to take that out.” Doobiz smiled.
“We need to know where everybody will be Doob. Besides the temps out there will take you out. Our thermo suits will only protect us for a few hours out there. Once you take it out, you’ll need to get back in quick. We need to know exactly where it is.” Yanis observed.
“That’s true, we know where it could possibly be, but we don’t know for sure. Besides I don’t see any entrances any where near it on the outside.” Conyo observed.
“Yea, and we don’t know if they created one,” Yanis responded.
“That’s something Jokid may know.” I added.
“Let us hope so,” Doobiz responded.
“Gentlemen all we can do now is wait for Bullocks,” Conyo smiled.
As all of this was going on Nookodubididy continued his preparations. He was anxious to hear from Jokid. He hadn’t heard from him in a few days and he wanted to know what happened at Bullocks’ affair. He also wanted an update on me, was I going to be a new member of the team or did they need to take me out.
Nookobidididy was a recent member of the community, and the last thirty years had been hard on him. He missed his wife, and his sons. He wanted to be there for them as they grew up. She had begged him not come here, but he assured her it was just going to be an observation. He wanted to see how these primitive peoples lived. Then his ship crashed and only he and Zoutious survived. The local authorities were quick on the scene, and they had to destroy the ship before they found it. They escaped into a near by forest, and the only things they were able to bring along were their universal translators. It was years before they met other off world people. Then they found there was a very large community here from all over the cosmos. But it seemed to them that we weren’t in any hurry to contact our home worlds. Some had been here for centuries, and many gone native, taking local
mates. Many had families here. Others found the governments here freer, more tolerant and
liberal than the totalitarian worlds from whence they came. The one reason they used for
not trying to contact their home, was that they didn’t want expose themselves to the
primitives. They didn’t want to upset the natural balance. At this point in time the locals
had evolved enough to detect energy outburst anywhere on the globe. So they were
waiting until they could build an undetectable device. Meanwhile time was running out. His eldest kid would soon be a grown man by now. He didn’t want to waste anymore time. The
hell with the locals was his attitude. He and Zoutious had talked about it many times, andz
they agreed. Then one day by chance or fate, they met Jokid at a science convention. At
once they realized they had met a kindred soul. So together they worked hard to find like
minded souls. People who just wanted to go home, to civilization. When they heard about the abandoned Antarctic base they couldn’t wait to go there. Eventually they found a map, and then they worked hard to build a small ship. After months of working in secrecy they built a prototype. Then they took a chance and flew it there. When they arrived, they were flabbergasted. After the initial shock, they explored it, and immediately began to plan their next move. They were able to win over a few converts, people who also had families back home, and who dearly longed to go back. They found it easy since there were so many who were getting old. They had been here a long time, and they didn’t see any forthcoming solutions to their dilemma. They didn’t want to die in a primitive alien world, they wanted to go home now. So they saw Nookodubididy and Zoutious as saviours. Jokid had a daughter who was engaged to marry when he left.
“Hell, I may be a grandfather by now, of course I’ll join you,” he responded to Zoutious’
jesting inquiry. They had been zipping colas, but then he realized Zoutious wasn’t joking.
“You’re serious, man, aren’t you?”
Nookodubididy smiled, and responded, “Yea man, as serious as a hungry bear! So are you with us?”
He didn’t hesitate, he smiled, and…“When do we leave?”
“We just discovered the abandoned base at the south pole. Now we need people who are just as committed as we are- brilliant people.”
“So how do you propose to…or what do you want to do?”
“We would love to build a ship, but if that’s not possible then we must build a transmitter to contact home.”
“From what I’ve learned, the primitive science here doesn’t have what we need to build a ship. Even worse they don’t even have the elements…err, they haven’t yet discovered the elements we need.”
“True all elements are universal, so we have to find them.”
“They’ve been trying for centuries.”
“Not hard enough, many of them have fallen in love with creatures here.”
“Indeed many have.”
“So what do you propose?”
“Zout and I have been thinking and planning for a long time.”
“And what have you come up with?”
“We need to create clones!”
“What good will they do?”
“Well if some of these brilliant minds won’t come willingly, we’ll just have to force them and replace them with our clones. Nobody will be the wiser.”
“Once we have them…how will you get them to work for us?”
“Some of them have loved ones here, and the fear of what we’ll do to them will make them do anything. They will work, man.”
“True, a man will do anything for those he loves.”
“So, do you have any ideas?”
“No not at the moment, but give me a few days.”
“Remember the sooner we get something done, the sooner we can get back home.”
“Do you know anybody capable of cloning?”
“There are quite a few Merday here, lets talk to some of them.”
So they did and within a short time they had a cloning team. Soon they had a small thriving group at the base. They cleaned it up and restored it. They revived the farm, and its animals, and nobody knew they were there. They found the hanger, brought their ship inside, and together built others. One day Jouniten, a loner from a distant galaxy, approached Zoutious with his ideas for a transmitter.
“This is brilliant!” He responded.
“But it will require a lot of energy.”
Soon the others all agreed and they began to look for ways to energize their device. Not long after Zotious noticed that in a year there would be a super solar storm.
“Look here, Nook!” He showed him a solar chart, and pointed out the event.
“Oh man, this is fantastic, Z! This baby will power our IGT, and if it’s really as big as I
believe it will be it will mask our energy output.”
“He hee heee!” He responded as he gleefully rubbed his hands together, and continued. “Oh baby! It’s going to be big alright…beeeeee ig!”
From that time on they worked tirelessly to make their plans bear fruit. Finally with only three days left to the solar storm, they were close to making their plans a reality. They were going to contact home, like ET they were going to call home. But all plans great and small have a degree of uncertainty in them. Providence has a way of complicating things for us all the time. It doesn’t matter what world you come from, we don’t know everything. Nobody does! So from time to time, providence makes its presence felt.
“Z have you heard from Jokid?”
“No he should have called. It’s getting close and we need to know what’s going on up there. I’m starting to get worried, man.”
“Me too, Bullocks had a gathering last night and we need to know what happened. Have you called him?”
“A bunch of times, man, but he doesn’t answer.”
“Oh hell, I hope he hasn’t been out celebrating.”
“Yea this thing isn’t over, and the fat lady ain’t even ready yet.”
“What fat lady?”
“It’s an American saying!”
“What does it mean…fat lady?”
“You like opera, right.”
“Well you know that when the fat lady sings at the end…it’s over right.”
“Well, that’s true but only in some…”
Before he could finish Nookodubididy interjected, “Okay but it comes from that. In American sports they say that the game isn’t over until the fat lady sings.”
“Oh okay I get. So, our plan’s not finished yet.”
“Right we have a lot to do, and it’s possible they may know what we’re doing. If they do we need to be on alert Z.”
“Oh, I got that covered man. I got security patrolling the area, and they’re posted at all the entrances. They were programmed to zap anybody on sight, man. If any of those bozos shows their face around here, they’re going to go home first, man.”
“Go home, uh…he hee heee!” They embraced one another, smiled, and did their happy,
boochie dance as they gleefully pranced around the room.
“Soon my friend soon, our people will know we’re here, soon we’ll be home, man.”
“Can you believe some of them have been here for centuries, all because they’re afraid to
upset the natural balance here?”
“Yea, what the hell is that all about?”
“It’s a moralistic principle dreamed up by Bullocks and some of his people. They believe that these simpletons need to be left alone to evolve.”
“Hell man, some of these worlds would never have evolved, if other civilizations hadn’t
helped them along. In Gamboozia all of those worlds fought wars with one another, and if some hadn’t invaded others, they never would left the stone age.”
“Bro, I don’t need a history lesson.”
“I know, man, but that damned Bullocks sure does.”
“I can dig that divo, he really needs to wake up.”
“Yea, if it weren’t for him we wouldn’t be here fighting one another.”
“Do you think they’re dumb enough to attack us?”
“I don’t know, anything’s possible, so we need to be on guard.”
“Oh but we are, man we so are. Let em come!”
Meanwhile, Bullocks and his team had Jokid dreaming of his family back home. He was in a fantasy all of his own. He was enjoying the festivities of his daughters wedding. Everyone was having a grand time, and his son in law was smiling as he danced with his bride. He was a man on the move and had a bright future. Jokid was happy for his daughter, she was set for life with a loving soul. Jokid was never happier.
“Oh daddy I’m so happy you’re here!”
“Muffin I wouldn’t have missed this for all the world.” He whispered in her ear as he hugged her. Then the vision began to fade and he found himself sitting on a sofa next to Bullocks having a cola.
“Mr. Jokid, are you alright?” Bullocks exclaimed.
“Ugh!” He exclaimed as his eyes almost popped out of his head.
“Are you alright, man?”
He looked around and was noticeably dismayed, disturbed. The reality shocked him a bit, and realizing that he must have dozed off, he excused himself.
“Oh, my goodness, I must have dozed off a bit, uh.”
“That’s okay man it’s been a long night.”
“Yea, but I’ve never done that before.”
“Perhaps you’ve been working too hard.”
“Oh you don’t know the half of it, sir.”
“Oh I can only guess,” Bullocks smiled.
“I don’t even remember coming here.”
“Oh you came here a while ago, don’t you remember having dinner?”
“Really I don’t”
“Then what ever were you drinking?”
“I really don’t know.”
“You know that we have to be careful here, we don’t know how some things will affect us.”
“I know, I know all about that. But, I’ve never had a problem with that. Not in all the years I’ve been here.”
“Pal, all it takes is one time,” I smiled.
“True, one time I had a cup of coffee and I felt as if I were medicated, man.” Doobiz blurted out.
“Yea, I remember that,” I smiled.
“Oh yea, with the Mexicans,” Doobiz remembered.
“You Aranjaynions and your damned Mexicans!”
“Haw haw haw…he hee heee!”
The guffaws filled the room and even Jokid was laughing.
“I don’t know maybe I ate something that medicated me. But, damn it was so damned real, man.”
“It was a dream, so real too, I was back home at my daughter’s wedding.”
“Oh yea, and everybody was having a grand time. My son in law was a handsome up and comer. The festivities were awesome, and there were so many people. Important people too! Then all of a sudden, here I am sitting here, and not knowing how I got here.”
“I can assure you, you’ve been here for quite a while, right through dinner. Drinks! How many did you have?”
“That’s the strangest thing, I hardly ever drink.”
“Do you know what you were drinking?”
“I think I came here to meet Ornious.”
“You did, pal. Then we sat here and enjoyed dinner. I think you had bit of rabbit stew, some rice, carrots, and you polished it off with a pear juice.”
“Oh that can’t be, I never eat starches, and the veggies here tend to sedate me.”
“Well you were drinking a lot of pear juice.”
“Damn! Everybody was having such a grand time…I just decided to have a couple. Juices affect me like water does you.”
“But when we met in the city, you were drinking wine. How is that?”
“Wine doesn’t intoxicate me, it just taste good. Good wine does.”
“But juices do, they give you a buzz?”
“Yes they do.”
“So why did you indulge?”
“I was just going to have a couple.”
“You sure did, man. But we didn’t know how they would affect you.”
“When the menu came, you just ordered, man.”
“It was really very well presented.”
“Damn, I had no idea what I was eating. It looked good, it tasted like it…it was out of this world, man.”
“Haw haw haw…he hee heee!”
They all had a laugh, including Jokid.
“Ah you’re a comedian too, uh.”
“No sir the pun wasn’t intended, I just didn’t know how else to describe it.
“Well it seems either the rabbit or the veggies did you in friend.”
“It seems that way.”
“You passed out, and we brought you here. You were out for like a half hour. You really had us worried there, pal.” I exclaimed.
“I apologize for the inconvenience, I, I, I’m really sorry.”
“You’re okay, that’s all that matters.”
“Thanks! Ummm…then that explains my fantasy, my dream. You know I never ever dream like that. It was so freaking real, though.”
“It happens to all of us some time, pal.”
“You must excuse me,” he explained as he stood up.”
“Are you alright,” Bullocks asked.
“Oh, I’m okay, I’m feeling rather great, sir. Never felt better as a matter of fact.” He smiled as he stretched his arms out.
“Good to hear.”
“What time is it?
“Oh the sun is almost up. It’s early in the morning.”
“Then you must excuse me, I need to go home.”
“By all means, glad you came,” Bullocks smiled as he extended his hand. Jokid took it and gave a firm shake, then headed out the door.
“Well, that went rather well I must say,” Bullocks, smiled and raised a glass, “Cheers
“He hee heee…haw haw haw,” guffaws all around the room! We shook hands, and smiled at one another.
Bullocks stuck his head into the next room and yelled,
“Cho Cha…call Alky and tell him to sabotage Jokids’s transporter and get back here. Tell
him that bozo is on his way over there.”
“Guys we need to get it together, this is just the beginning we have a lot do. We need to study this data,” Dolian explained as he held a long sheet up in the air. “Please,” he continued, “Come into the war room.”
“How appropriate…war room!” Bullocks exclaimed.
“Well, we’re in a war, sir.”
“It is indeed, guys,” I agreed.
The data revealed that they had almost two hundred clones armed with zappers. They were stationed at all the entrances and at the hanger. There was also a group around the mag pole.
“Ummm…this is going to be a major battle here, and it could very well expose us to the
people here,” Bullocks muttered.
“Sir, do we stun them or zap them out?”
“Just take them out,” Doobiz smiled.
“That’s okay with me.”
“But they’re souls, we just can’t exterminate them.”
“I assure you they have no souls, son.” Bullocks smiled.
“I have to disagree, sir. Science cannot create life, only the creator can. Though science may be able to create an environment conducive to life, only the Creator can allow it. So these creatures do have souls. They’re simpletons because their souls aren’t evolved. They came into existence, our reality, quickly and developed extremely fast. But they’re souls just the same.” I protested.
“So what are you suggesting?”
“I don’t know, we can stun and re-program them. Maybe we can use them on the moon as servants. Anything!”
“It won’t bother you to see a half dozen Doobs or Yanises running around?” Bullocks
“If I don’t have to see them, it won’t, not as long as I know who the real ones are.”
“Oooo…that would give me the creeps, if I went into a room, and saw a half dozen of me
running around in it.” Yanis responded.
“Euuu! Me too,” Doob agreed.
“So why not leave them down there, let them run the farm. We’ll send some one to check on them from time to time. Neuter them too so they won’t reproduce. Let them work out their fate down there in peace. They don’t really have a long life span.”
“How long is it, sir?” Yanis asked.
“We approximate about sixty years,” Conyo responded.
“So you propose we go down there and just stun everybody,” Yanis asked.
“There’s almost two hundred of them down there.”
“It’s mind boggling.”
“That’s better than having that evil aureole around my soul for the rest of my existence, man. All those deaths! I don’t like it one bit.”
“Okay how about this, you stun whomever you want, anybody you come across. They won’t be a weight on you, and you won’t have to carry that on your conscience. The rest of you can do as you see fit, you can stun them or take them out. I won’t hold it against you.” Bullocks compromised.
“If that’s the best you can do, then I have no choice. Stunning them or zapping them all takes the same effort. But I don’t want that to carry that negativity with me for the rest of my life.”
“Okay guys, do as your conscience allows.”
“Okay…yea, alright with me…what ever you say boss.”
“They all agreed.”
“So what else were you able to get out of that dummy,” Bullocks asked.
“Well, we have little time, that solar storm is due in one more day, time’s getting short.”
“We know that, but what else do we have to worry about down there.”
“The device is here,” Koinus pointed on the map, and continued, “It’s right here pretty much where we suspected, in this lab. It’s a huge black and stainless device with huge cables leading out to the top. They run along the creek, up the wall and through a hole they zapped out to the surface. On top, the mag pole is disguised as a mound of ice. If you cut the cables it will give us time. They will have to find them and repair them. But that will alert them! If you take out the unit, that would be much better. It’s preferable to take it out at the same time you take the out mag pole. That would pretty much put them out of business. We also need…we have to take Zook and Nook! We need to program those kooks, they can’t be trusted. They’re impassioned with the idea of going home. If they escape, they will do it again, and maybe next time we won’t be so lucky.”
“I see!” I exclaimed.
“See what?” Bullocks responded.
“We can’t take out the kooks, but we can take out the clones.”
“It’s different, man.”
“The kooks are evolved souls, man.” Doobiz added.
“Not from where I stand.”
“Haw haw haw!” Bullocks responded as he ran his fingers through his white hair.
“Okay, okay! Passion can and does blind us and we all can act with darkness in our hearts.”
“Just stun the dummies, it’s a lot of work, but we’ll find something to do with them. Also, just disable the device. We want to study it. Maybe a close examination will help us to re-engineer it. Please by all means, make capturing the kooks a top priority. Jokid has a small transporter in his apartment. It can only take one person at a time. Since we don’t know what’s on the other side, I had Alka Pooh Ria disable it. Jokid won’t be able to use it. We’re watching him, he’ll have to fly down there. We put a bug on him, and when he takes off, you can follow him. So be ready. Once you’re there let us know what the situation is as soon as possible. We’re going to replace his transporter with a larger one so we can get there faster. Guys, we have our jobs cut out for us.”
“Babagomazaga!” Doob exclaimed as he extended his hand out. So Yanis I put ours on top of his and together we again loudly exclaimed: “Babagomazaga!”
“What is that sir,” Koinus asked.
“Oh, it’s an Aranjaynion thing. It means together as one,” Doobiz explained.
“Oh, so wait a minute there pal, we’re all in on this. You are not alone, man.” Bullocks
smiled, so he extended his hand out and exclaimed, “Booga mooga zaga, uh”
“Hee hee heee…we laughed, and I explained, “It’s babagomazaga, sir…baba goh ma zaga.”
“So put her there,” he said as he put his hand out again, and continued, “And say it again.”
I put my hand on top of Bullocks, Doobiz and Koinus followed, and as Yanis put his on top of theirs, he loudly exclaimed, “Babagomazaga!”
“Ahhhh…so it’s Ba ba goh ma zaga,” he exclaimed as everybody loudly joined him,
“Truly we’re all in this together. May the Creator bless our efforts,” Bullocks exclaimed.
“So be it,” I added. Then as Yanis, Doobiz and I left the room, Koinus exclaimed: “Aba be with you!”
As soon as Jokid entered his apartment his phone was ringing.
“Hello,” he yelled into it.
“Jokid, where have you been, man,” Zoutious demanded.
“I was at Bullocks’ affair. I went there to check on Ornious. I think he’s with us.”
“You can’t think, man. You need to be sure about this.”
“So what’s going?”
“Tomorrow’s it, man. The storm is almost on top of us, we’re beginning to feel its effects. We have to decide where to make our call. You need to be here yesterday.”
“I’m leaving right now,” he shouted.
He entered his transporter, but it just hummed, vibrated, the lights blinked on and off, and he went no where. He checked everything, and all seem to be where it should be, so he tried again, and again. After the third attempt he called Zoutioous back.
“Please don’t call me that, I hate it. So what’s up now?”
“My transporter won’t work. I’ll have to fly down.”
“So you’ll be here in like what, five, six hours,” he asked.
“No, no, no! Three or four tops, I’m leaving right now,” he responded and hung up. He
grabbed a few items from his fridge, threw them into a gym bag, and was out the door. A
moment later he was airborne and on his way. He was smiling as he realized the moment had
come, his dreams of going home would soon come to be.
As they walked down the hallway, Bullocks and Koinus returned to the war room. They went over the map, and together they went over and over the data again. If they missed anything, they would soon find it.
“It’s at least three hours to my ship guys.” I proclaimed as we walked out of Bullocks’ war room.
“Not to worry bro, I have mine on top of the hotel.” Yanis responded.
“Really,” Doobiz smiled.
“I had no idea what was coming, man, and I knew Orn’s ship is at home. At least three hours away. Yours is out on the coast, right.”
“So since we don’t have any transporters near by, and if we have to follow that schmuck, we need to be quick…I brought mine,” he smiled.
“Way cool Yanis!” I smiled.
“He must have a ship near by, he lives here. He may even have his on top of his building. So I brought mine, and it sits four comfortably.”
“It’s a long way south guys let’s get some water, some munchies.”
Just then Yanis’ cell started to vibrate, and
“Yes sir!” He responded.
“I know, I know, but what do I do. In the morning that asshole Jokid is calling me. He no
doubt will tell me if they believe me or not. They will also want to know what happened here this evening.”
“They may also believe you overheard them, and want to take you out. Why else would that bogus me have met you?”
“True Doobiz that is true, so what do I do? And why did they take him out in front of me?”
“To establish trust!”
“Well Jokid obviously intended to make me out to be a bad guy.”
“Why not let him believe that?”
“Because we may have been seen here together already,” I blurted out.
“Unfortunately we may have to take that chance.”
“If only there was a way to tell the bogus peeps apart.”
“Look the federation outlawed that technology, and it’s possible there may be someone here who knows how to do that.”
“So we vet them all?”
“Yea! All of them, except the Merday, Whanker, Toi Noun and the Shmenahs.”
“Okay, but we don’t have the time to do that before my meet with Jokid.”
“Divo, he’s just going to call you, he’s not meeting you. So when he calls play dumb like you did in the city. See what he wants, in the meantime Bullocks…we’ll vet these peeps, man. We’ll find how to weed out the clones, find them and take them out. You may have to take Gloria and the kids to the moon.”
“Can we agree on that,” Doobiz pleaded.
“Babagomazaga,” I blurted out as I extended my hand, and they each put their hands on top of mine, and together, we exclaimed, “Babagomazaga!”
We walked back inside one by one and as I entered the room again, I heard:
“Ding ding ding!”
The servers in their white coats were entering the suite as the head waiter was ringing his little silver bell. Dinner was being served, it was time to eat. As far as I knew it was supposed to be a small gathering. That’s what Bullocks said, but the place was packed and it wasn’t in any particular order. It resembled a wedding reception. There were forty round tables sitting nine each. There were people from worlds and galaxies sitting next to people from other worlds and galaxies. It’s funny how friendships are formed without regard to where people come from. As a matter of fact people from the same nabe can hate eachother, even if they should find themselves together in some far distant and strange place. Doobiz,Yanis and I sat together by choice, we’re family, and wanted to sit together, keeping our eyes and ears open.
When Bullocks entered the room, everyone tinkled their glasses as he approached his seat. We were all anxious to hear what he had to say. For sure many were worried about the rumors and hoped he would shed some light on it. The ass hole from Sheeba couldn’t wait for him to address us, and asked,
“Mr. Bullocks, sir, what do you have to say about these rumors going around?”
He was drowned out by the roar of the crowd, and Bullocks either never heard him, or chose to ignore him. Sheebas are stubborn, and he continued to raise his hand hoping to get Bullocks attention. Sheeba is in the Gaysian Galaxy, and there are a few intelligent worlds there. Three of them were here now. The Sheeba like the Pigu, live in a society controlled by the state. It provides everything for its citizens, but dissent isn’t tolerated, they’re very cruel to dissenters. For such enlightened souls they behave like barbarians towards their own people. Their women are delightful creatures, and their society has all kinds of amenities for them. But for all the good things they have, there are many awful things. There’s no freedom. It’s funny though because the Ketsunoana, who are so polite it hurts, also come from the same galaxy. Yet unlike the other two people, they govern themselves. In the other two worlds everyone lives by the graces of the state and its officials, who are by the most part corrupt, and sometimes evil. The crews who man their space ships are state officials of the highest order, chosen from the ranks of their military. Here in this world they are dumbfounded by the way people live. They cannot believe that many of the off world people they’ve met here, have similar societies. These are people who cherish freedom and rule themselves. At that very moment it occurred to me, it was worth noting to keep these ass holes in mind too. Perhaps they were part of the conspiracy, and I decided to add the Sheeba and Pigu to the list. As my mind refocused on the present, I noticed his neighbors were quite upset with his disrespect. Some told him to put his hand down. But he continued, and as the crowd settled down he was left standing alone with his hand still up in the air.
“Mr. Sek si,” The Premier finally gave in, recognize him, and asked: “What can I do for you sir?”
“Mr. Bullocks, sir. We need to know if you have any information about these disturbing rumors.”
“Rumors, sir!” He responded, and continued, “Pray tell!”
“I don’t know. I was hoping you would tell us.”
“Sir if you don’t know what you’re talking about, how am I supposed to know? I can’t read minds. Do we have any mind readers here?”
“Haww haw haw haw…ha, ha ha, ha ha ha…he hee heee,” the crowd erupted intoguffaws, including the three of us.
“Sir, he continued, there’s a story going around that someone here may have perfected an IGT, and we want to know if it’s true. If it is, then who’s the first one to be contacted?”
“Sir, with all due respect, this is the first I’ve heard of it. As for who should be contactedfirst…well, shouldn’t that honor go to whom ever has been here the longest?”
“I suppose so sir,” Then as he was about to sit down, he stood up again and continued, “Well is it true…Do we have an IGT?”
“Sir, I will appoint a few people to look into it.” Finally the Sheeba reluctantly sat down.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know anything about what Mr. Mr. Sek si has brought up. It would indeed be welcomed if such a thing did exist. We all want to go home right. The crowd responded with a short round of applause to agree. Then he continued, we’re here to celebrate two things. He paused, and continued, first, Doobiz here, please stand Doobiz. He stood up, and Bullocks continued. Doobiz came to me someime ago with a notion that jouniquiem exists here.
“Ahaaaaaa,” the crowd gasped in unison.
“Yes we all understand what that means. He found what promises to be a wonderful discovery. But before anything could be set in motion, I sent Yanis with a team to examine Doobizez’s find, and he has just confirmed that it.”
“Applause,” filled the room.
“Hold on, hold on…please! He was silent until they were finally quiet. Then he continued.
“It’s just a promising situation. It’s an almost impossible task, requiring a lot of hard work to extract it, and the quantities to be extracted are uncertain. We are at this very moment conducting a study. It’s where we stand at the moment folks- a study! So we’re here to inform you and to honor Doobiz and Yanis for this promising work.
“Applause!” It was a standing ovation with a few hell yeas thrown in for good measure.
Everybody stood up, shook hands, and smiled at one another. I proudly applauded along with them, and Bullocks continued.
“I don’t know anything about an IGT, that as you said Mr. Sek si, is a rumor. But we have a moral responsibility not to interfere with any society here nor with the fate of its people. We’ve long held that when ever the time comes to contact anybody or to send anybody home, the one contacted or sent home will be the one whose been here the longest. Then followed by the next and so on. Those are our only rules. So if any body has an IGT we would be more than happy to honor them, and look over their plans. Such a device must not expose us. If there’s any possibility that it will, then you must know that it will not be allowed to be used.”
There was a roar among the guest as they all agreed. The Pigu and Sheeba were seated far from one another. I looked at both of them to see if there was any kind of eye contact between them. But I didn’t notice any. Libations were being poured and everyone enjoyed the occasion. I was grateful for the libations, in any society they relax inhibitions and people tend to let their guard down. It was a good time for us to mingle and probe their brains, because Freudian slips often occur with the help of a good stiff drink or two orthree.
Meanwhile we spread out, and as I headed for Sek si,
“Where you headed Orniz?” It was Yanis.
“To that asshole Sek si,” I whispered.
“While Bullocks was going on with him, it dawned on me that the Sheeba and Pigu have very evil societies that oppress people. And both of them are recent arrivals here. Also, their peoples have been whining for years about putting together a quick IGT or ship. They say they want everyone to contact their people. But I believe they want to be the first to make contact with their own. The Gamboozians may well be in league with them, so I think we should add the Pigu and Sheeba to the list.”
“And you want to pick Sek si’s brain, uh.” Doobiz whispered.
“It’s a good idea Orniz,” Yanis added, then continued, “But you shouldn’t be the one to do it.”
“It’s obvious bro, you’ve been talking with that sucker Jokid. If they’re in it together, then they will be on to you. The whole thing will fall apart, man. It’s better if Yanis and I do it.”
“Doobiz is right, let him do the Pigu, and I’ll do the Sheeba. You can vanish again and see if anybody here slips and lets something out. And stay away from the water.”
“Okay, okay,” I grudgingly agreed. They were right of course, but I responded, “I’m just drinking cola, I’m not about to screw up you know.”
“Nobody is saying you are, we’re on the same side remember,” Yanis added as they headed off to mix it in with them. I went to the restrooms and into an empty stall. When the place was quiet, I vanished and walked out into the crowd. I didn’t take but a couple of steps when I heard a Pigu cursing out Sek si.
“That dumb ass hole has about as much diplomacy as a mad cow,” he was saying to a Whanker and a Merday.
“True I thought he was going to screw everything up,” a Toi Noun added.
“We better be cool and not arouse suspicion,” the Whanker whispered, and they dispersed.
So I was right the Gamboozians were a part of what ever was going on and the Gaysians were in on it too. This was good news but it was also dismaying, I hoped Yanis and Doobis could get some corroborating details. But as far as I was concerned we now knew who was in on this. The next step would be to find friendly Gamboozians to help us deal with the damned clones. If we could do that, then we could lay down a plan to neutralize them.
The Merday, and Toi Noun were out, along with the Whankers, and Shmenah. That left the Kak, Khaneeth, Putana, Dummbatz, Conyo, and Govno, six worlds. Surely someone from one of those worlds should know something. Evelyn had to know how many people from each of them was here. Yanis needed to get that information and between the three of us we should be able to find somebody by the end of the evening. I went back to the restroom, and reappeared. When I came out I was startled by Yanis whispering:
“What did you find out?”
“The Pigu, Merday, Toi Noun, and Whanker are definitely up to something.”
“Yea I heard a Pigu cursing out Sek si to a Whanker, Toi Noun and a Merday.”
“Cool, what happened?”
“He, they were worried the Pigu was going to blow their hand. They were very upset. So I think we should vet the Garboozians. It’s only six worlds, but we don’t know how many of them are here.”
“I think it’s more than six,” Doobiz added.
“Yes there are about ten of them but four of them are definitely suspect, so we leave them out of it. We need to know how many people are here from each of them.”
“I’ll ask Evelyn, it’s possible they’ll know!”
“That would be fantastic, man.”
“Yea that makes sense since they would be on guard for bogus peeps.”
“You’re right about one thing. The Pigu, and Sheeba were definitely upset with Sik se. But they were tight lipped and I couldn’t get anything else.”
“I couldn’t get anything out of anybody either, but at least now we know how to go about this. Let me go ask Evelyn, I’ll be right back”
“Orniz there could be a bunch of people here from those six worlds.”
“I know, I know but let’s wait and see what Yanis finds out.”
“Another thing, how do we tell them apart?”
“Wish we had some kind of gizmo to do that.”
“Maybe they do or maybe Bullocks knows something.”
“Yea he’s been here a long time and should be able to tell them apart, or he may have people who can. As soon as Yanis gets back, let’s just talk to Bullocks.”
We turned our heads to see Yanis saying, “Forty,” again, “There are forty of them here.” Then he continued, “You’re right, we need to get Bullocks in on this, he may know the best way to go about it. If we can get this done by the end of the night, when Jokid calls, we’ll be ready for him, we’ll have a plan.”
He went back to Bullocks’ table, leaned over him, and whispered in his ear. They both smiled at the same time, then he stood up and came back.
“Oh man, there’s a very simple way to tell them apart.”
“Really!” Doobiz and I blurted out.
“Yea, it seems clones suffer dyslexia.”
“So how does that help us?”
“Those bogus mofoes read everything backwards, man.”
“We wear our names backwards. Evelyn is working on it now. There are forty people here from various Gamboozian planets.”
“Yea, yea I get you, but those forty people may not all be bogus. We just need to find the fake ones, which may be from any or all of the different worlds here. Only a few of the forty here are responsible for this, and they aren’t all bogus.”
“So the bogus ones may be in key positions for what they want to do. We need to think this out, see who they may need where. Then check those out. The dyslexia will help to make sure they’re the real deal.”
A moment later Evelyn approached us, she smile with the most gorgeous lavender eyes, and her natural silver hair was as stunning as ever. A lot of guys tried to get next to her, but she claimed a blissful innocence of the flesh. Though it seemed to me there was bit of lust in her eye when she looked at or talked with Yanis. If she was a virgin, then it was certain that at 200 plus years, she was the oldest virgin on the planet.
“Here you go Yanis,” for a moment there I thought she was going to nibble on his ear. “I hope this helps,” she whispered as she handed him our name cards. She turned around and slowly walked back to her table. She gave him three name cards with our names spelled backwards.
“Now what,” I asked.
“Now we go and talk to everybody, If they ask about our name, we simply say Evelyn’s people made an error. It’s too late to fix it, so we’re wearing it as a joke. But, if they read it out loud correctly, or rightly call you by your name…we have a suspect.”
“Yea, that makes sense.”
“So let’s go on out there and see how many suspects we can get.”
“So like before, Doobiz, you go around to the right side, Orniz, you do the left side. I’ll do the middle.”
“What do we do with them?”
“We’re going to let Bullocks and his people interview them.”
“Before this night is over we’re going to have a battle plan, me pal.”
It didn’t take me long. I went straight for those three dummies from the Gabboozian Federation. I tapped my chest to make my name tag a little askew. It would make them notice for sure, and perhaps make them read it. They would either pronounce my name correctly or say it was spelled backwards. It was like fishing I guess, but these were big, important freaking fish. They were by the bar enjoying their choice of spirits.
“Ahhh Sek si,” I said as I extended my hand out to greet the Merday.
“Hi, I’m…” I never finished, as the Toi Noun responded with “Screw that asshole Orniz.” Then he continued with, “I’m Cul, from Toi Noun, and this…
“Dan Che,” from from Pigu, said as he extended his hand.
I smiled and as he was about to continue the introductions, the Whanker interjected.
“Hi, I’m Bond from Whanker.” Then he added, “Ah your name tag is crooked Mr. souinrO.”
Bingo I got a fish. I smiled, looked at my tag, and said, “Ah so it is, uh.”
“Ya dummy his name is Ornious, can’t you read,” Cul chided him.
There upon, Dan Che added. “Oh don’t mind him, he’s been drinking a lot of cola. He’s a lil oscillated and he’s practically blind. When he gets like that he reads stuff backwards,” Dan Che explained and started to laugh.
“He hee heee, ya dumb mofo,” Cul added, as he joined Dan Che. They thought it was funny a little bit too much I thought. So I gave them a couple of he hees, smiled, and shook their hands.
“You guys, (I wanted to say bozos, but I didn’t), are having a grand time I see. Don’t let me stop you,” I smiled and kept moving. I went back to the men’s room, it was empty so I tapped my mag and went back to find them.
“You asshole!” Dan Che was scolding him, “You could’ve given us away.”
“Don’t worry Cul, Ornious never caught on. It was obviously a computer error, and he never noticed.”
That confirmed it, at first I thought it was just Bond who was the bogus one, but it seems all three of them were fake, copies. Dan Che and Cul were in control. But Bond screwed up, and now this chat between the three of them, confirmed they were bogus and dangerous.
I walked around the room a bit more but either they were dummies or they were real faced people. For they all pointed out that my name was misspelled on my tag. So we all laughed, and I continued fishing. I went back by Bullocks table and stood behind Evelyn. She kept moving her head as her eyes followed Yanis around the room. Perhaps she was trying to see if he was flirting with some of the other gorgeous ladies in the room. They all flirted with him, but he was all business, smiling and walking off from one table to another.
“That table over there with Pigu,” I turned my head, it was Doobiz, “They’re all in it, there’s about five of them there.” He explained, and continued, “They were all scolding him for being a big dummy. It seems they can’t drink cola. They get a buzz and he’s been drinking a lot of it. Man, they were all over his arse for being stupid. But they believe no harms been done, and they’re confident nobody here is unto them.”
“That’s good Doob, the more confident they are the better it is for us.”
“Yea, we need to use that,” he agreed.
“No luck guys.” Yanis whispered, “How about you,” he continued.
“Really!” Doob blurted out.
“Not a freaking one. Either they’re in control or they’re the real deal guys.”
“Well, Orniz found those bozos and it seems they’re all fakes.”
“Yea,” he looked at us wide eyed.
“As fake as a gaybloom at a ball, man.”
“He he hee!”
“What’s so funny guys,” Bullocks asked as he turned around.
“It’s hard to explain sir, you’d have to be an Aranjaynion.”
He stood up, moved in close to us, and, “Oh come on give it a shot,” he pleaded.
“Well sir, Doob tried to give it his best, and continued, “Gayblooms are guys who think they’re females. Many times they fool real guys…and well, sir, it’s kind of really funny. Especially when they pull it off and the victim becomes aware of it in front of his pals.”
“He hee heee, yea we have the same thing back home, we call them Gayamalas. I Believe every world has them. They’re universal. So who is a, a gaybloom, you said, right.”
“Yes sir,” we replied together with a big smile.
“So who is the gaybloom here?”
“None that we know, sir.”
“Sir, it’s like gayblooms are fake females, and well…there’s a table here full of clones.”
“Yes sir,” I added, “As fake as a Gayamala, uh.”
“Oh I get it…he hee heee, so your fishing expedition was fruitful, uh.”
“Yes sir, those three bozos I told you about earlier are gayblooms, er…I mean clones,” I responded.
“And that table with Pigus is also a bunch of gayblooms too, sir.”
His eye brows raised and his eyes narrowed as he stopped laughing. Then he looked across the room and motioned for his security people to come over.
“We got this covered fellas, before this night is over we’ll have a battle plan. You guys need to relax, and enjoy yourselves. Let my people round these dummies up. But stick around because in the morning we’re going to put on our battle gear.”
There was a band, and it was playing a slow waltz. Classical music is so soothing, and
sometimes, romantic. For a moment I missed not having brought Gloria, she would have loved it. As Bullocks walked away, Yanis grabbed Evelyn’s hand and led her out to the dance floor. Doobiz looked at me, and smiled.
“Methinks you were right Orn, there is something going on with them, uh.”
They were dancing cheek to cheek, swaying with the music, and they were in seventh heaven. I smiled back at Doobiz and winked at him. Then we headed back to the bar. Bullock’s was a very brilliant soul. He’d known all along about the shenanigans going on, but had kept a tight lip on it. The affair about honoring Yanis, and Doob was all bogus. It was a well laid out trap to catch a bunch of stinky fish. They were bogus, empty flesh and blood automatons. Later I found out that from what Bullocks knew about it, he believed they were soulless. They were either vacuous or had some intelligence. They weren’t very smart, just enough to follow simple directions. They also seemed to be dyslexic.
Back on his world, Nextousia they had long ago outlawed the technology. They had also developed a technique to probe their empty skulls to see what was inside. So Bullocks upon learning of the threat to the community, set up this bogus event. He had his security people on alert. They all knew as much as they needed to know to deal with the situation. Some knew more than others, and they were organized to handle the interviews which were going to take place. Bullocks had separate suites on the same floor of the event, and his people were going to interview all the candidates. The very same Yanis, Doob and I found.
Bullocks had a few gorgeous gals assigned to bring them to the interview, on the pretext of being privately honored. Evelyn of course selected her personal contacts to do the escorting. Nobody not even a vacuous clone, especially an oscillated one, can resist the sweet whisperings of a drop dead female specimen of any world. So one by one, Bullock’s angels brought him the candidates. That kept suspicion out of the equation as the ladies went back and forth, getting them one by one. Bullocks had it down to a science. They started with Bond from Whanker who was the first soul to enjoy Fusima’s sweet coaxing voice. That gal would make any top pop twit jealous of her utterances. Her oval eyes would make any inebriated fool swoon. She channeled Mae West and sashayed her lovely derriere over to the Whanker, and
“Mr. Bond,” she sweetly sang as she extended her lovely hand. The dummy almost slid
out of his chair, and
“A ba ba ba, er…excuse me! Of course, I am he.” He responded as he composed himself and straightened his back.
She smiled and responded,
“I’m Fusima…” Before she could finish her sentence, he interjected,
“Of course yar are my dear,” and started to stand.
She smiled, and as he was half way up, she leaned in close to him, and softly whispered in his ear.
“I’m Mr. Bullocks’ assistant, and he would like to meet you.”
“Of course, of course,” he responded, and continued, “After you, please.”
His pals were bewildered, wondering what such a divine creature could possible want with such a clumsy drunken lamebrain.
“Maybe she has a thing for drunken dudes, man.” Ton Cul exclaimed, loud enough for Bond to hear. To which he gave Toi Noun a gleeful smirk, as they watched him trail her. He followed her as if he were a happy puppy following his mama.
“That bastard has always been lucky, always comes out smelling like a rose everytime.”
“Well this time the rose got him….let’s hope she pricks him real good.”
“He hee heee…haw haw haw,” came his response.
“Yea she could well be a gammama!”
They both cracked up and soon the whole table was up in loud guffaws. Then Ton Cul
stopped laughing and realized she was no gammama.
“If that’s a gammama, I’m Adonis, man.”
“What’s an Adonis,” Dan Che asked.
“He’s a mythical character in this world who personifies what is a handsome man.”
“Haw haw haw…ya freaking fat ass, in your dreams.”
“Then for sure she’s no gammama, uh”
They continued to argue about Bond’s prowess with the ladies as they watched him walk out the door behind her. Little did they suspect, the fate awaiting their clumsy pal. He was first because he was the one who correctly read my backward name tag. He was most definitely a clone candidate, not only for the dyslexia but also for his mental acuity.
Meanwhile Yanis, Doob and I kept our fingers crossed.
When Bond entered the room, it was aglow in a bluish haze emanating from the four
corners in the ceiling. It was Bullocks’ interrogating device, a mind scanner. Long ago he
used his technology to build one in case the need ever came up. This was as good as any.
Fusima gently guided Bond to a sofa, where Bullocks was seated smiling, and enjoying a drink.
“Please, Mr. Bond, join me!”
The light worked through the optic nerve and disarmed the subject, making him relax. Bullocks smiled, and extended his hand in friendship. Bond sat next to him, and leaned back, as Fusima handed him another cola. In the back Bullocks’ people read the data extracted from Bond’s mind as it streamed from his brain.
“Are you having a good time?”
“Oh, yes Sir, it’s a really smashing affair you’re having,” he smiled.
“Thank you, by the by…do you know Mr. Jokid?”
“Oh yes sir, he’s a really great guy, we run into each other once in a while.”
“How about Zoutious?”
“Z! Yea, he’s my pal.”
“So you guys hang together?”
“How about Nook…Noko duby?”
“Oh you mean Nookodubididy?
“No offense Mr. Bullocks, but what’s with the interrogation, sir?”
“None taken Bond, we just want to extend them the same courtesy, and meet with
them in person too. After all we appreciate the work you do for us. So, just like you, we want to honor them too. Wouldn’t you agree they do a good job?”
“Oh, absolutely, sir.”
“Do you guys ever get together as a group?”
“All the time!”
“They must be a great bunch, uh”
“No doubt,” he smiled.
He was as relaxed as if he was at his therapist, and his mind opened up to the light. He was feeling good and felt honored to be shooting the bull with Bullocks. As their chatter continued, the guys in the back discovered that this divo was an empty shell. There wasn’t anything useful in his mind. He was most definitely a clone of the real Bond, who was obviously being held somewhere. The real Bond, a brilliant magnetic field physicist, had been missing for a while. Then one day this dummy showed up to take his place. The real Bond was probably being forced to work on their project. The only thing the team in the back could do was to reprogram his mind. They gave him a feeling of euphoria, and of having experienced a wonderful time with Fusima. Bullocks kept him talking for fifteen minutes, until his technician emerged from behind a curtain and shook his head.
“Nothing there sir,” he whispered.
“Ah Mr. Bond, it’s been a pleasure chatting with you. Keep up the good work,” he said as he rose from his seat, and continued, “Fusima will see you back to your table.”
It was obvious Bond was being held against his will, he was dedicated to the community’s interest. This dude didn’t have a clue about physics, and all he wanted to do was have a good time. Magentia was as sweet as a child, and as curvaceous as a healthy young nubile teenager. She emerged from behind the curtain as Fusima left, and smiled at Bullocks.
“Which one do we get now, sir?”
“Ummm, can we do two at a time?”
“No problem, sir!” The response came from the back.
“So then, Magentia, get Domina and bring Dan Che and Ton Cul. By now they must be thinking that Bond got lucky with Fusima, and will believe they will enjoy the same.”
“Tee he heee,” was her response, and the room erupted with guffaws.
“Indeed, but let us hope these two morons will be more productive than that lummox.”
So she smiled, and left to find Dominia. Together they waltzed over to Bond’s table who was bragging about what a wonderful time he had with Fusima. Domina went to Ton Cul and whispered in his ear, at the same time as Magentia did to Dan Che. They invited them to join Bullocks. They glanced at one another, smiled and marveled at how lucky they were, and stood up at the same time. Then they followed the ladies to Bullocks’ suite. Since they too were clones, the light affected them in the same way. Again Bullocks engaged them in mindless chatter, and in the back, the team found a little different result. They were clones alright. Dan Che was the same as Bond, but Ton Cul was different. He was engineered to direct and carry out assignments. He was the Alfa clone, if there could be such a thing, and was the leader of the other two. Since they were under the light’s influence, they kept drinking more cola. This gave Bullocks’ more time to play mind games, as the guys kept extracting more information from them. After twenty minutes, Dolian signaled Bullocks that it was enough. They had all they could get out of them. One had nothing, and the other had a little more. So Bullocks stood up, smiled and shook Dan Che’s hand, then Ton Cul’s.
“Gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure! Please keep up the good work,” and bid them adieu.
They were blissfully unaware of what had happened, as the girls let them out of the room.
“That’s only three of them sir.”
“I know, I know, we have forty of them. How many can the MDE handle at the same time?”
“It’s never been tested, but it right away eliminates the blanks, and zooms in on the data.”
“So, how many data extractors are there?”
“Ummm, what if there were six people in the room?
“Well, it would ignore the blanks, and zoom into the data.”
“Can you jump from one to the other?”
“Oh no sir, but if we had six, and we can reasonably assume that most of them are blanks, it’s an acceptable calculation…it’s a fifty-fifty proposition.”
“Forty of them, uh!”
“Minus those three bozos, sir.”
“Then that’s thirty seven!”
“So then, it’s six at a time, or we’ll never get this done.”
All was going according to plan, and Cho Cha was the next angel, a lovely carrot top with sparkling green eyes. She was followed by Minxia, a delightful soul who looked as though she were a native Scandinavian. They were joined by Devouria, who though she looked like a coquette, was as serious as a migraine. They were all as different from one another as apples and peaches. But they looked as if they had been cast in the same Barbie mold. These three lovely ladies joined Dominia, Fusima, and Magentia. Every 5 minutes they went to one table after another and coaxed another three dummies to Bullocks’ snare. Every ten minutes, there were six of them being scanned. The first time everybody was a little nervous when another three came into the room. Everybody, except the techies in the back, they theorized the dummies wouldn’t even recognize each other in the haze. They were right. They were also right about their fifty-fifty proposition. The MDE ignored the empty brains and went straight for the alphas. Bullocks made the right call, and so every five minutes he sent his angels out again. He gave the dummies time to relax and let their guard down. Within ninety minutes we had interviewed thirty-six of them, but there wasn’t any real meat in the data. The only guy feeling left out of the party at the table was Sek si. When he saw Evelyn personally come to escort him back to Bullocks, he almost exploded with delight. He thought he had been saved for last to receive the best. He almost jumped out of his seat to greet her. She smiled at him, didn’t say a word as she turned around, and he followed her like a mouse following the piper. The minute he entered the room, he realized what was going on. He tried to bold out the door, but Bullocks’ security was ready for such an outcome. He was aware that only a real human being, and one who understood cloning technology would know what was happening. Sek si did and tried to bolt. He also made a jerky move to reach into his pocket, but Dolian was quick to grab his arm and stopped him. At same time Conyo reached into his pocked and seized his zapper. Sek si struggled but it was all in vain, he was snared by two souls any wrestling federation would be proud to sign. He was quickly strapped into a chair, and the MDE’s settings were set for humanoid. Bullocks smiled, and
“Well Sek si, so now we know why you were so agitated before, uh.”
His lips were closed so tight they turned a pale pink, almost white, and they seemed to be fused. At the same time his eyes were nearly bulging out of their sockets.
“This is no mouse we have here sir,” Conyo exclaimed with a big grin.
“No, you’re right Conyo, this here is a rat,” Bullocks responded.
“A big freaking rat, sir,” I added.
“It will be interesting to see what we find in this lame ass,” Doobiz blurted out.
The lights returned to normal, Evelyn yanked a hair from his head, and gave it to Dolian. He quickly took it to the back. There the staff reprogrammed the machine for Sek si’ DNA and the lights instantly became a hot pink. Then it softly hummed as it swiftly scanned his mind. Sek si slowly closed his eyes, and smiled as his mind danced into a swirl of his thoughts. He was in a fantasy world full of sweet dreams, his home, his people and his loved ones. It revealed his plans to contact them, and travel back home through the cosmos. His mind reviewed his plans, and the MDE recorded it all for us to study.
Afterwards as Evelyn led him back to his table, he had a big smile on his face.
“Oh, that was so cool, Eve. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to meet with Bullocks, too. He’s a great guy!”
“Yes, everybody say’s that.”
He walked away never the wiser that he’d been scanned. When she returned she started to help with the intel, but Bullocks asked her,
“Would you please thank our guest for coming, and inform them that the party is over.”
“Yes sir,” she responded and left. There was a lot of work to do, and we turned our attention to the intel. The techs deciphered it, and we planned our next move. Sek si was one of Jokid’s lieutenants, but Jokid himself was not the leader. It was possible that it was one of those two disgruntled late arrivals. Either Zoutious or Nookodubididy’s or both of them were leading this threat. We needed to clarify that. But for now at least we knew who they were and where they were. Their home base was as Jokid had told me, our abandoned quarters below Antarctica.
“That is a huge place, but thankfully we have the lay out,” Bullocks declared.
“Sir they could have hundreds of clones down there,” Conyo observed.
“Indeed we’re going to have to send in a small team. We need to reconnoiter the conditions before we do anything.”
“I’ll get right on it sir.”
There is little that Bullocks doesn’t know, he called me, then asked Yanis and Doobis to join us.
“Gentlemen,” He greeted us, “Nobody else knows, but I know of your stealth gadgets. I spent some time on Aranjaynion, a long time ago. Nobody else in our community has anything that even comes close to it either. So…”
“You want us to do this job, right.” I blurted out.
“Yes Ornious I do, you’re the only ones that can pull this off and come back safely. Obviously you must know we just can’t go in there and zap everybody. The energy out put would expose us. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. But if we know what we’re up against, we can do something without being exposed or getting anybody harmed.